Varla Jean Merman surely knows how to put a stranglehold on an audience. Long before her star turn on Project Runway, where the outfit designed for her won the day, VJM has been pleasing audiences the world over with her unique brand of over-the-top camp, costumes and an operatic singing voice (yes, her own!) that can shake the rafters.
And to top it all, she’s a beefy hunk-o-rama out of costume!
Varla will perform in Viva Varla at the Parliament House Footlight Theatre, throughout Gay Days Weekend, with
8 p.m. shows on Friday thru Sunday, June 5-7. The show features bits of her eleven shows, which include the cleverly named Varla Jean Merman Loves a Foreign Tongue, I’m Not Paying for This, The Very Worst of Varla Jean Merman, VJM Is Not Anatomically Correct and Under a Big Top.
But Varla’s credits are not limited to the cabaret stage. She starred in Girls Will Be Girls, an award-winning film directed by Richard Day that debuted at the 2003 Sundance Film Festival. And she played the role of Mary Sunshine in the revival of Chicago on Broadway.
In a recent conversation, the star herself ruminated on all things Disney, Orlando and Project Runway.
This year’s Gay Day event will not be her first visit to Orlando. In 1985, with her fabulousness still hidden from view, she came with her Neville, Louisiana high school on a band trip.
“Believe me, I’ve changed a lot since then. I went from playing the oboe and glockenspiel to downing spray cheese and wearing plastic high heel shoes,” she said wistfully. “I can’t even remember what my impressions of Orlando were. But I do remember getting drunk on wine coolers with Tyrone the tuba player in our Days Inn hotel room in Kissimmee. I loved Tyrone.”
Her high school sojourn to Orlando foretold a lifetime traveling the country, offering up her version of singing, musical parody, theatrics and kitschy video content—including her obsession with all things Hello Kitty—all rolled into one outsized stage production.
But Varla calls New Orleans home, and her fans know this well. In fact, there is a uniquely New Orleans absurdist, almost Tennessee Williams quality to a lot of what Varla does, particular in the videos that appear on her website, www.VarlaOnline.com. In them, kitsch and drag meet Jackass and Pee Wee’s Playhouse, with parodies of gross-out cooking shows and talking omelets. It’s all presided over by a hostess who is trying her best to be polished in a slightly dented reality.
However, it was her 2008 appearance widest audience yet. In an episode featuring well-known drag performers from around the country as models, straight male contestant Joe Faris designed a sailor-inspired hot pink jumpsuit that was on the money for Varla—a perfect storm of sequins, so to speak. Think Ann Margret meets The Love Boat.
Viewers and fellow designers alike marveled at Faris’ luck at being matched with the towering beauty. Faris’ victory was assured when the lady herself worked it like no other could on the runway. For Varla, the experience was great, but also a little nerve-wracking.
“My strategy was to hide in the bathroom. Nothing looks freakier or worse than a queen half in drag, half out,” Merman gasped. “You can see me before the change; you can see me after the change. But you can never see me in transition. It ruins the illusion. I have done shows before where they wanted to film me getting ready, and I did it. Yuck! Don’t do it, up and coming drags!”
But being on Project Runway was still very exciting. Varla has been a long time fan of the show.
“I was obsessed with it from the day it came on, so it was a thrill and a head-trip to be on it,” Varla gushed. “Thanks to [contestant] Chris March, who personally chose all the gals. I didn’t even know I wore the winning design until I saw it on TV with the rest of the world. Joe was a sweetheart and created something for me that was easy to sell.”
Editing of the episode made her sister, Hedda Lettuce, look like a raging bitch, but Varla assured that it was all in the spirit of the performance. Both are frequent headliners in Provincetown throughout the summer.
“I thought Hedda was a genius! She knew how to get the airtime. But also, I don’t think she was being mean. She was just performing to the millions of people at home by trying to be funny, not dissing her designer,” Varla observed. “If she had talked to him that way on stage in a show in front of an audience, it would have been funny. But one on one, and up-close on television, it seemed harsh.”
And Varla quashed rumors of competition between the ladies on the show.
“Hedda was making me laugh so hard backstage that I was crying!” Varla said. “He was making fun of Miss Understood’s outfit and we were all in stitches. Stitches….get it?”
Wondering how a Disney audience will embrace her made her ponder with which Disney character she most identifies.
“Because I often let the rats in my house dress me, I would say Cinderella,” Varla laughed. “But at this point I’m starting to look more like Ursula the Sea Hag. And I also adore JoAnne Worley as an armoire in Beauty and the Beast.”
Asked if she would ever wish someone a Magical Day, the diva replied with trademark sauciness mixed with ample modesty.
“I’m better at giving a Magical Night… or at least a Magical Eleven Minutes,” she purred.
What: Varla Jean Merman in Viva Varla, presented by Wanzie Presents.
When: 8 p.m. Friday thru Sunday, June 5-7.
Where: The Parliament House Resort Footlight Theatre.
How: $25 tickets are available at wanzie.com and gaydays.com.
