Dear Truth,
I am a 40-something professional living in Tampa. I have lived here for most of my life, and I am well-known in the community for my commitment and generosity as a patron of the arts and numerous non-profits. My problem is that my friends recently discovered that my boyfriend, Rick, acted in a couple of porn videos when he was younger, and now they treat him like he’s some kind of common hustler or a plaything for their amusement. Rick was only 22 when he made those movies almost 20 years ago and he has since gone to college and become quite successful in his own right.
I am mortified by my friends’ behavior and I want to tell them off, but I feel constrained by my social obligations since these are the people who “run things” here in Tampa. What should I do?
—Heated in Hyde Park
Dear Heated,
I assume since you describe these people as “friends,” your relationship with them goes beyond the circuit of events and charities. As such, you are well within your rights to, as you say, “tell them off.” And guess what? They really deserve it. In fact, they don’t sound like the sort of friends you should be interested in keeping. Social propriety is not an obligation to sit by quietly while your partner is being disparaged, and shouldn’t restrain you from putting these hypocrites in their place. Is it possible your access to the “people who run things” will become more limited? Yes, but frankly, I couldn’t stomach being around these sorts of people anyway. Here comes the Truth, baby: Rick (and by extension, you) has nothing to explain to these people, they are behaving like mean schoolgirls, and need to be called on it.
Dear Truth,
My boyfriend, Gregg, and I would like you to settle an argument. We have been together for about six years, and we have a solid, loving relationship. Gregg is really sweet and happens to be very good-looking. However, whenever we go out to a club or party (or anywhere, really), he flirts with any guy that shows the slightest interest in him—and there’s always a guy who is interested in him. Most of the time it happens with me standing right there, and I end up feeling like a third wheel. Even if he introduces me as his partner, I feel ignored. Gregg says it doesn’t mean anything and that he’s just being friendly and playful. He also defends his actions by saying that I’m the one he leaves with at the end of the night, which is true. I’m certain that Gregg is completely in love with me and would never cheat on me, but I say he should stop flirting since it bothers me; he says I’m overreacting and that it’s just part of his personality. Who is right?
—Peeved in Polk
Dear PIP,
Gregg may be sweet and your relationship may be solid, but Gregg has some insecurities that are salved by being a bit of an attention whore. To be honest, I don’t like it and I smell something a bit rotten in Polk County. If he’s willing to flirt without hesitation right in front of you (and exclude you in the process), I must wonder what he’s doing when you’re not around. The occasional momentary flirtation is one thing, but by having this be his habit “whenever” he’s around other humans who are not his boyfriend, Gregg is being disrespectful to you and to your relationship, and showing his ass some. Here comes the Truth, baby: Where there is smoke, there is often fire and it sounds like something’s smoldering. I realize my answer probably starts an argument more than it settles one, but Gregg needs to be made to understand the effect his thoughtlessness and desperate need to be ego-stroked are having on you.
