Dear Truth,
My boyfriend is heavily involved with St. Pete Pride and he wants me to dress up and march in the parade with him—and by “dress up” I mean he wants me to cover myself in body glitter and wear next to nothing. I’m not embarrassed to show off my body—I work out regularly and am pretty ripped—but I have no interest in making myself up like some kind of freak and parading around downtown with my ass hanging out. In fact, I told my boyfriend I’d rather not go to Pride at all since it just gives the right wing and the media a chance to showcase the fringe elements of our community. He says I’m homophobic and that I should embrace LGBT diversity; I say that real LGBT pride has nothing to do with these embarrassing displays. What do you think?
—Quiet and Proud
Dear Q&P,
You’re asking two different questions.
One: Should you allow your lover to harangue you into doing something—stripping down to your skivvies and covering yourself with body glitter—and doing it on the streets of St. Petersburg? The answer to that one is simple. No. If it makes you uncomfortable, and modesty is nothing to be ashamed of, then it’s your body to do with as you please. Frankly that your lover wants others to see you that way is yet a third question, but I only have so much space in which to respond.
Question 2 is about the validity of Pride Parades in general. Far be it from me (or you) to disparage an activity which provides a source of genuine pride to so many people in our community. Yes, the media always focuses on the outrageous 2% (in which your lover clearly wants you included), but that doesn’t mean that the public expression of pride and freedom is a hollow one. The Truth is also of the mind that we’re getting to a place where such expressions are becoming increasingly unnecessary as a way to shine light on the plight of gays and lesbians, particularly in large urban areas.
So again, only go if you want, and I agree that real pride in yourself has little to do with marching in a parade, but here comes the Truth: Pride parades mean a lot to a lot of people. You’re not one, and that’s okay.
Dear Truth,
I have been dating my handsome boyfriend, Foster, for about two years and we have a really good relationship. He is very sweet and generous, and the sex is incredible. We rarely fight except when it comes to one thing: sports. Foster is a total jock and I am not. I couldn’t care less about football or baseball (or any of them), but Foster lives for playing and watching sports. I can barely get a word out of him if there’s a game on TV and we plan most of our evenings and weekends around his athletic schedule. Frankly, I’m beginning to resent him for spending so much time with his teammates while I’m left on the sidelines. What should I do?
—ESPN Widower
Dear Hannah Storm,
As a sports lover, I am inclined to encourage you to take part in organized team sports. It can be a lot of fun, quickly broaden your circle of friends, and get some great exercise outside of the gym. However, it’s not your bag. That’s too bad, as you’re missing out on a lot of fun. But I’m sure you have a full life without it. However, when you partner with someone, you have to accept they had interests that pre-date you. If you are truly resenting the amount of time he spends playing and watching sports, there is only one thing to do: speak to Foster about it.
If he doesn’t understand the impact all the time away from you is causing, he can’t be blamed for not doing anything about it.
