Later that week was our “date.” Even though he knew I was attached, Warren still wanted to take John and me out. Admittedly, I liked the idea of having John there. It made me feel more comfortable and secure that nothing inappropriate would transpire.
That is, until John began gushing to Warren about our “great, loving” relationship, sex life, engagement, home, trips we’ve taken, etc… Although I thought it was sweet, a part of me wasn’t sure where it was coming from, especially in light of our current issues and because he never spoke of us like that before. As the tension ensued so did the drinking.
Afterwards, we headed over to a nightclub. In an effort to keep John as my priority, I made sure that we stayed in a group even on the dance floor. However, as it happens, you do have to separate; to go to the restroom or get a drink. On one such occasion, I was reconvening with John and Warren on the dance floor after a trip to the bar. As I walked up, I saw John grinding on Warren, running his hand along his back and then grasp his butt. Warren looked incredibly uncomfortable.
When John saw me, I heard him coyly slur, “I need to stop.”
Warren swiftly left the dance floor. John continued dancing with a mutual friend of ours that had met up with us. I went to see if Warren was alright since I knew he had been drinking quite a bit. I found him sitting at the bar.
“I think I need to leave,” he said.
“Why?”
“John really loves you and I’m confused.”
Thinking he was referring to the conversation at the restaurant, I informed him that I wasn’t sure why John was saying all of that but then acting the opposite.
“I think John wants to take me home with you guys,” he informed.
“I could see that,” I replied. “Thus proving everything I’ve told you about our relationship and why I couldn’t buy into the sap he was spewing at dinner.”
I was beginning to think that John would never understand or be able to give me what I want. I felt sad, angry and vulnerable.
“I want to kidnap you,” Warren smirked. “Can I take you home with me?”
I told him I wanted to talk to John once more; basically giving him one more opportunity to show me he gave a damn. When I told him I was going to take Warren home, he rifled in his pocket and handed me his car keys so I could get my house keys out of his car.
“Just leave my keys in the glove box,” he said then went back to dancing.
There you have it. I felt it was his final blow. Needless to say, I went home with Warren. The next morning, he drove me back home. I was sure John was going to be angry or have questions which I was more than ready to deal with. Alas, true to form, he was silent. I apologized to him for not coming home, hoping that would lead into a conversation. Instead, he said it was ok and went back to playing World of Warcraft.
It was then I realized that John had a fear of emotional intimacy. Instead of trusting that I would love him no matter what he had to tell me or was feeling, his ego was taking over and he was devoting his time and energies to keeping me from knowing too much about him. To avoid exposing his feelings, he was constantly shutting down, avoiding conflict and ignoring our differences.
Erik Fact: No fact, just truth. I think there is a medicine for the Seven Year Itch…Time. If you both want it to work, something will happen that should ignite the fire again even if it went out quicker than you both had hoped. For starters, don’t take each other for granted or the memories you both share together in your lifetime. If you let those moments touch you again, then maybe you can see through new eyes. Because, really, that’s all it boils down to – looking at things from a new perspective.
