Dear Truth,
My boyfriend, Victor, and I have been dating for about two years. We are both in our twenties, financially and physically fit, and we find each other unbelievably sexy. Our relationship is pretty normal except for one thing: Victor thinks it’s cute to act like a dog. When he’s happy about something, he sticks his tongue out and pants; if he wants attention, he whines. It gets really embarrassing when he’s excited—he shakes his ass like he’s wagging his tail. He especially likes to do it when he’s naked so he can actually “wag” his dick from side to side like some kind of Labrador retriever. I thought Victor’s canine obsession was cute at first, but now I find it really annoying. The other day he licked my face and about punched him. I’ve told him I don’t like it, but he’s been doing so long that it’s second nature for him. It really hurts his feelings when I criticize him, and I feel like I’m being a bully. Any thoughts?
Not the Dog Whisperer
Not Cesar Milan,
No matter how strange or annoying a partner’s habits, everyone thinks they can change the person they love. True, this is a problem fewer couples have had to deal with, but it all comes down to actions we once found cute that can turn annoying with time.
While it’s easy to point the blame at your “pup” for the behavior that drives you crazy, it sounds like you encouraged the behavior at the beginning of your romance. His wagging—whether it’s his ass or his dick—was at one time part of the attraction for you and asking him to break that habit over night is not fair.
However, he must realize he’s a human—not Lassie—and that there is an appropriate time and place for certain actions. Here comes the Truth baby: Couples must civilly discuss annoyances in order to make a relationship thrive, so ask your “pet” to sit, stay and listen up. If you want to continue the relationship, and it sounds like you do, you two must talk about what’s appropriate and what’s not when it comes to habits—and you must remember that while voicing your concerns are valid, it’s all in the delivery. If he starts gnawing on the furniture, write me back.
Dear Truth,
I am 16-year-old girl in Brevard County and I’m a junior in high school and I think I might be a lesbian. I’ve never done anything with a girl before but I feel like I’m more attracted to them than boys. I tried dating boys but I don’t feel anything when I touch or kiss a boy. It’s different with girls—if I even touch a girl’s arm or think about kissing her I get all nervous and my stomach feels like I’m going to throw up. I’m thinking about telling one of my best friends, but I’m really scared that my parents will find out and send me away or disown me (they’re pretty religious). I can’t imagine what school would be like if word got out that I was even talking about it. Is this normal? Should I be sure about myself before I tell anybody? What if I’m just imagining all this and I get it wrong—how would I undo the damage? What should I do?
Scared & Confused
Frightened Child,
First and foremost always remember—nothing you are feeling is wrong. Your teenage years are precious and the process of figuring out who the current and future you is requires patience and time. Many of us take for granted the struggles LGBT youths face today in schools. Feelings of isolation are common and the entire “coming out” process can be terrifying.
But remember, you are not alone. LGBT people have been part of society from the beginning of time and you are no different than anybody else. The feelings you have toward other girls are natural—and so are your feelings of stress.
Brevard County has numerous resources for questioning youth and I encourage you to do a Google search for LGBT organizations with youth outreach programs in your area. Speaking with a counselor or a friend made at one of these organizations could be a life-saving step for you and for your future.
If your feelings do become known to others, you cannot control how others react. You can, however, control who your allies are. The LGBT community is a welcoming place and, if your feelings change in time and you find yourself attracted to the opposite sex, we’d still be happy to count you among our friends.
At some point in our lives, all of us have to decide if we want to live as ourselves or as who our parents want us to be. If we all chose to be the people our parents wanted us to be, the world would be a pretty dull place.
