Trying to find monogamy in the gay world is like trying to find a reason why Justin Beiber is so popular. I heard it had a brief come back in the early 2000’s but now it seems it’s all about keeping your options open.
Even though Warren and I agreed to keep our relationship casual, things seemed to be progressing and getting more serious. Despite him verbally stating that we shouldn’t rush and me understanding his logic, his actions were saying otherwise.
He would call me multiple times a day, come by my office and invite me to spend the night with him several days a week. He spoon fed me compliments. He was attentive, romantic, revealing and passionate and I was eating it up. He was bringing out a side of me I thought was long-gone; the hopeless romantic. If this was “casual,” what does “serious” mean to him?
I continued to be cautious, however, as I didn’t want to screw things up and have him fall into my “Rebound” category. Still, all I knew was that we made each other feel good, secure, respected, adored and we always had a great time together.
A couple of months ago, he disclosed that he loved me. Granted, we were in a bar and he was a tad blitzed. I didn’t put too much weight on it but it made me realize that maybe I needed to stop thinking so much with my head and allow my heart to trust.
When I did finally allow myself to stop overanalyzing and began reciprocating his sentiments, Warren withdrew, reemphasizing that he could only offer a friendship and that he was afraid of “jumping.”I don’t know about you but I don’t have sex with my friends. It seemed as if he was scaring himself out of true intimacy. Déjà vu.
I don’t understand what happened. I found out that he was also dating/hooking-up with two other people besides me. Maybe I was putting too much emphasis on this relationship since clearly, he wasn’t able to make me a priority.
Erik Fact: Never make someone a priority when to them you are only an option.
For me the idea of seeing more than one man is like trying to fit another pair of shoes into an already full suitcase. Yet, in an effort to remain in his life and in essence bide my time, I decided to adhere to his request and try being his, for lack of a better term, “friend with benefits.”
As fate would have it, Warren was going out of town for a dance competition. So, I decided to take some potential suitors up on their offers for a date. Over the next week or so, I made myself unavailable, taking a break from Warren and occupying my time with a number of male companions. Turns out,
Warren wasn’t the only one afraid of intimacy. Each guy had the same aversion to monogamy.
It didn’t matter though. None of them were Warren.
The next time I talked to him, I found out that he was officially “in a relationship” with one of the other guys he had been seeing for only a short time. That was that, I guess. However, when he asked how I was doing and I told him about my string of dates, he appeared to be jealous and began taking a covetous interest in me again. I don’t want to play this game.
If he wanted to be with me, he would be with me. I decided to bow out gracefully. I still wanted him in my life but it could only be on a platonic level. It seemed to be working even as he regularly bemoaned his relationship to me. I was the “supportive friend” yet all the while fighting my attraction and feelings for him.
Not surprisingly, when Warren’s relationship dissolved, we started to get close once more. Based on previous experience, logic told me to refrain from opening up again. But when he revealed that he wanted to start seeing an ex of his again, I couldn’t take it. I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands, drawing him in, and then shaking him.
“I wish you could see what’s right in front of your face,” I stuttered, petrified. Don’t do it. “I’m in love with you.”
“I love and adore you, too,” Warren replied warmly.
I released him from my grasp and smirked, tearing up because I knew he loved me…But not in the same way I loved him. At least that’s what he was telling himself.
True to form, he expressed how he wasn’t ready and began second-guessing what he had to offer. For someone who was so vocal about being a “risk-taker” and “living life in the moment,” Warren’s behavior sure wasn’t conveying that.
I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t proposing marriage or to cohabitate. It’s just that I’ve done the merri-go-round. I’ve been through the revolving door and I feel like I’ve met someone who I can stand still with for a minute.
What is so bad about focusing on one person to see where it goes? How can you truly get to know someone if you’re juggling multiple relationships? Or is it that men secretly want their partners promiscuous and emotionally detached?
Erik Fact: With so many options in life, sometimes it’s nice to know you only have one.
