Suck Dynasty: Cruz surrogate Phil Robertson wants the gays and those who support them gone; Cruz agrees

phil robertson

As expected, we’re at that moment when the red-rover game of the Iowa Caucuses meets its sociopolitical nadir. Over the weekend, it was slightly less than entertaining to see what amounts to nothing short of bigotry on display among two of the Republican Party’s top-tier candidates, Ted Cruz and Donald (Dump) Trump. The former chose Duck Dynasty beard Phil Robertson to air his grievances with same sex-marriage on Sunday, according to a CNN Report. We’re “evil” and “wicked,” Robertson said, but in his world “no” probably means “yes,” so we won’t let it bother our sensitive take on humane discourse.

“When a fellow like me looks at the landscape and sees depravity, the perversion – redefining marriage and telling us that marriage is not between a man and a woman? Come on, Iowa!” Robertson grumbled while grease caked in his hirsute hate face. “It is nonsense. It is evil. It’s wicked. It’s sinful. They want us to swallow it, you say. (!!!!!!!! – ed.) We have to run this bunch out of Washington D.C. We have to rid the earth of them. Get them out of there.”

Wait, is he speaking in code? Oh, code. You’re so funny. Surely he doesn’t want all gay people and the pols they rode in on dead, right? RIGHT?

“How about Fred Robertson? What an extraordinary human being,” Cruz said, following later, smugly, with, “What a joyful, cheerful, unapologetic voice of truth Phil Robertson is.”

No, he’s reality television detritus that projects the problems within our very species, really, and does so with impunity for a viable presidential candidate. How low can we go?

Well, a much more moderate Donald Trump, he of the forged hall-pass for the last Republican debate, did the Sunday rounds explaining how he would make gay people unhappy.

“If I’m elected, I would be very strong on putting certain judges on the bench that I think maybe could change things,” Trump told Chris Wallace on “Fox News Sunday.” This even after he’s flip-flopped on the issue like a deck of cards in a casino.

It’s all pretty disgusting on its face and beneath its skin (or beard, or wig), really. We’ll follow up tomorrow when we know on which side of history Iowan Republicans – and DEMOCRATS (the NYT endorsed Hillary Clinton over the weekend! Everybody’s feeling some kind of Bern/Burn now) – fall. We predict skeet shooting, mud wrestling and maybe even private kissing between Cruz and Trump in the end. We won’t be watching any of that, though, for our own “constitutional” reasons.

Also, this funny thing came up about Marco Rubio this weekend and is eating up Facebook. We have no opinion on it, really, considering its source, but there are pictures. SHIRTLESS, EVEN. Have a happy caucus day.



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