Like a lot of Americans in March 2020, I was suddenly unemployed – furloughed until the pandemic was under control, the world opened back up and things “went back to normal.” I spent so much time online reading about COVID-19 that I felt even uttering its name was a jinx. I had high hopes for 2021.
This is not a column that is meant to add to the mental burden of how the coronavirus has changed our entire worlds. The loss of life, the sickness, the fear, and the controversy and political implications of this crisis will remain with us living now forever. The thing that resonates with me, now, a year and a half into this new way of life, is that people keep going.
It is the human condition that we suffer, but it is also that we find joy, love, sympathy, empathy and kindness. Continuing in this new strange, masked world means we must find the most strength and compassion we have ever mustered.
My four kids have helped me survive and even thrive throughout the pandemic. They all went to online school in 2020 and the lack of social interaction was very hard. We barely saw anyone and I spent my days that I was out of work from my three jobs manically baking banana bread, sending loved one’s quirky gifts and wiping down my grocery deliveries with bleach wipes. As long as I stayed as busy as possible, I could keep focused on just “doing” so I forgot how little we were living.
I started a weekly virtual group where my dinner and drinks friends and I watched trash TV together and texted thoughts and commentary throughout. I started an online book club. I got back into therapy and added the kids; now all through telemedicine which was very convenient.
In 2020 my depression and anxiety were peaking, and my panic attacks had returned. My bipolar disorder kept me up for days on end, and I was afraid, exhausted, and felt that nothing would improve. I am happy to share this because I know I am far from alone.
One of my dearest friends is a licensed mental health therapist, and I noted her burnout last year when she said that this year in her career was different because everyone had the same problem, the coronavirus. We were all separated and alone, but oddly united in our problems in 2020.
In 2021, I am employed again and have an exciting new opportunity. My oldest son has recently moved out, is in his sophomore year of college and is working towards a promotion at his job. My oldest daughter is learning to drive and started her first job and my younger one started high school and is thinking about babysitting.
The baby of our family, our Jake, has started at middle school and has a new kitten. They all went face to face for learning, and you have never seen kids more eager for school.
I usually have a tremendous fear of back to school for Jake as he is my transgender son. Will they use his dead name still present on official documents? Will he be called out for being different?
Will he get to play sports as the Florida Legislature works to make sure transgender kids cannot?
I can really go off the deep end of mom worry and guilt when it comes to my little dude, but he always reminds our family of the importance of being true to oneself. He wakes up every day sure of who he is, and he only just turned 12. His journey has connected my kids and I in ways I always dreamed as a parent, but it will be a marathon not a sprint.
This year we will be looking into hormone therapy along with soccer. In no way are his needs different from my other kids; you do what your kids need to thrive no matter what. Aside from the meltdown I had at his back-to-school night when Jake was seemingly placed in the girl’s gym class, my kids are very happy and healthy and loving school so far.
My kids got me through 2020. I was frightened and I lost a lot. I think I understood early on that this virus would not just go away, but we are still wearing masks while the pandemic rages on in 2021.
Still, we keep going. That is the beautiful part of the human condition. My gang and I love road trips now. The kids and I have gotten into exercise and more healthy eating. We appreciate getting to go to the movies or going bowling. We value our time with friends and family so much more and we are living during this freakishly odd time – vaccinated, with masks, and socially distancing.
Last year showed us a lot. I will never minimize the losses or suffering of what this virus did to the world, but we cannot let it stop life or living. Nobody gets out of this life alive; enjoy this amazing opportunity you have.
Sylvie Trevena is a proud mom of four whose eclectic interests include hairdressing, horror movies, mental health, advocacy and writing. She holds a BS in Behavioral Healthcare and an MBA. This column is dedicated to Daniel James who lives life every day and who has helped her live her own.
