As the parent of four, I have considered myself relatively blessed not to have athletic kids. I say this with more than a hint of sarcasm, but as a single parent, those activities, practices and games tend to take up a lot of time.
Sure, over the years my kids had dabbled in activities; one year of Cub Scouts, half a year of gymnastics and even a semester of martial arts. Whatever my kids love and show an interest in, I am happy to make happen.
In the case of my youngest son Jake last year, he wanted to play soccer. He wants to wear “soccer clothes” which include his favorite player’s jersey (Lionel Messi) and literally practices before and after school.
As a sixth grader, we knew the chances of him making the team were challenging, as he had never played before and there are two more grades above him that deserve to play too. I was a wreck worrying about if he would be disappointed through the try-out process, until a larger issue arose. Governor Ron DeSantis helped champion legislation last year saying the transgender girls could not play on sports teams aligning with their gender identity.
This attack against trans kids was widely opposed but still signed into law. My youngest is a transgender boy, so he fits into the gray area that this ill-written legislation created, something that became clear when we were told he could play soccer if he made the cut – but only on the girls’ team.
The day I received the call that my baby boy’s dreams of playing soccer at his school might be over is a blur. I went through the normal range of emotions – sadness, anger, shock and much more – and after discussions with the school, administration and county staff, Jake was “allowed” to play soccer for the boys’ team. I had to let him know there might be an issue because of the timing and that conversation was one of the hardest I have had yet with him.
We can all say that we have had moments in our lives that really define who we are, and this was one for our family. It wasn’t the first time I have had to advocate for my children and certainly won’t be the last I will need to advocate for Jake.
This and other anti-LGBTQ legislation being passed across the country is horrifying and seems to target transgender children and adolescents. If my child was a transgender girl, she would have no way of playing sports in the state of Florida on the home team at school. I know children that played sports for years before transitioning and this is no longer a part of their life.
I know not everyone thinks about banning trans kids from sports, and I also know that before my baby talked to us about his true identity, I was not very knowledgeable about transgender individuals. Many of us learn from experience, and life tends to really teach us some days more than others.
Through this process I learned that transgender children who want to participate in sports have to undergo extra steps to play in Florida, like submitting (so much) paperwork that their cisgender counterparts are not required to. I am not talking about an extra form, I am talking about multiple documents from doctors, therapists and the child themselves.
This is under the Gender Identity Policy (4.3) for our state and once submitted, the child must go through the “FHSAA Gender Identity Review Process.” It is the most discriminatory paperwork I have encountered yet on our family’s journey with Jake.
The child is asked to provide a written statement “affirming the consistent identity and expression to which the student self-relates” and a written verification is also required from the child’s health care professional. Again, this only pertains to transgender boys wanting to play sports because transgender girls are simply not allowed.
I have struggled to find how to speak about what happened, the tears we all shed and pain this has caused our family. I was even told at a certain point that Jake could only practice on the boys’ team but would have to then play on girls’ team because he is “biologically female.”
I cannot imagine if he was not allowed to play, but it is clear transgender girls have even less athletic options in a process that is designed for failure. The hurdles students must jump over are not easy to go through. Even having some of these conversations with a transgender kid seems like a form of abuse.
I was at every soccer game. All my kids attended every one of them, and at most we had a huge cheering section for Jake. He played some games and at others he was benched – but when the season ended recently, I saw my youngest happier and healthier, living a dream he had set as a goal for himself.
The season was life changing not just for Jake but for our entire family. Our home has soccer stuff all over it, our yard looks like a training center for soccer players and we’re also printing some photos from Jake’s games to frame and display. Today and always, I couldn’t be prouder to be his soccer mom.
Sylvie Trevena is a proud mom of four with eclectic interests who holds a BS in Behavioral Healthcare and an MBA.
