10.28.10 Editor’s Desk

When you are embedded within the LGBT community, it’s easy to keep blinders on. We don’t always see things outside of the issues that directly impact us personally, our families or our community as a whole. Something that happens out of state not linked directly to LGBT equality mostly goes unnoticed, unless we have personal ties to that locale.

Sometimes those blinders are good—they keep us focused on the issues that need to be addressed, like gay adoption, same-sex marriage, HIV/AIDS research and domestic partner benefits. Most of these important talking points would go unnoticed if we didn’t keep a spotlight on them. But we must also remember that while LGBT issues are important, so are many, many others.

I was reminded of that a week ago when I returned a call from my mother—on her birthday—who lives with my dad in St. Louis. I could tell from the tone of her voice mail that something was wrong. I just knew I was in trouble—again—for not calling home often enough.

When she picked up the phone, I knew her mind was elsewhere. Our typical greeting of “How have you been?” felt rehearsed, and when she said she was “fine,” It was hard to believe her.

I went on about staying busy at work and my recent vacation before she interrupted me.

“Actually, I lied,” she said. “Everything is not fine.”

Immediately I thought of my grandmother, who is in her late 80s and has always been in excellent health. Maybe age had started to take its toll on her.

But the bad news coming from my mom wasn’t about her mother, it was about herself.
My mom, in her mid-60s and a typically healthy woman, is now fighting breast cancer.
She told me her doctor discovered a tumor during a routine physical in early October and immediately sent her to a specialist.

“The family all knows about it here,” she told me in her fatigued voice. “So I thought it was only appropriate that I tell you, too.”

That’s not news you leave on a voice mail.

My mother’s side of the family has no history of the disease and this is the first time anyone so close to me has ever used the words “chemotherapy” or “radiation treatments” in a personal conversation. It’s unsettling.

Mom told me about her first round of chemo, which she completed two days prior to my phone call, and its side effects of fatigue, nausea and eventual hair loss. That’s when I realized there are so many other issues outside the LGBT community that can affect anyone.

I’ve seen my fair share of Breast Cancer Awareness Walks and I’ve noticed the pink ribbon on ads and network television logos. But I’m ashamed to say I’ve never actively participated in such an event.

I’ve attended candlelight vigils for LGBT bullying victims, AIDS Walks, Pride events and other LGBT-themed celebrations. But it’s been years since I’ve participated in any event benefiting a cause not linked directly to our community.

I simply can’t offer an explanation as to why that is. I can donate a couple of bucks or a few hours of my time to a fundraiser outside the LGBT-specific arena.

As we steamroll toward one of the most key mid-term elections in recent history on Nov. 2, it makes sense that we stay focused on the political issues that hit close to our homes and our hearts. We should not lose that focus now or after the election.

But LGBTs are a part of the overall society and no matter where we live, we can’t forget about the other important battles, fundraisers and events that can affect anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or class.

My mom’s doctors are confident in her recovery and say she has a 95% survival rate. But the next six months are going to be rough, and I’m going to make it up to visit her as soon as I can, despite her belief there’s nothing I can do.

This is my wake up call. Supporting important causes—regardless of their LGBT affiliation—is a challenge, but it’s one I plan to take up for as long as I can.