Dear Truth,
My girlfriend, Robyn, is best friends with her ex-girlfriend. At first I was totally fine with the situation—being friends with your exes is cool—but as Robyn and I started to get closer, I noticed that they would call each other every day. The only time they didn’t call was when they would see each other. I have good friends too—one is even an ex—but I don’t have to talk to them every day. Then there are the holidays. They spend every Easter together (Robyn is not a religious person), and I had to fight to spend some time with her alone on Christmas. Robyn always says, “If I wanted to be with her, I would. She is just a friend.” I say she is “with her,” just without the sex. Am I crazy? Is this normal? I feel as though I’m in a threesome, but I want someone else’s opinion.
—Sad in Seminole
Hey SiS!
Let’s start with tamping down your drama. She’s not “with her,” she’s with you. But I do agree that you’re right to question how attached she still is to her ex. The fact that you feel that you had to “fight to spend some time with her alone” at Christmas is maybe not the greatest sign. You asked if I thought this is normal and if you are crazy. The answers are: Sort of no, with a but. And definitely no, with a maybe. It’s not exactly normal but our unique lives sometimes create unconventional alliances and clearly “family” to your girlfriend includes her ex. You are definitely not crazy, given that this isn’t garden variety jealousy, and you’re blowing the whole situation out of proportion (and naughty reader if that is the case). The advice I’m about to give is neither original nor particularly insightful, but Here Comes the Truth: its time for an honest, direct, transparent conversation with your life partner where you express your feelings about this and the two of you, together as a couple and as adults, find the right solution.
Dear Truth,
I am a 27-year-old gay man living in Orlando, and I need help with my roommate situation. I’ve shared a rental house with a 24 year-old straight guy, Leo, for about five years. Leo pays his bills on time, keeps the house clean (mostly), and is usually easy to get along with. He and I are also workout partners and we share food expenses and keep each other on track as far as fitness goes. We actually met at the gym and that’s how we became friends. The problem is that Leo turns into a giant ass whenever he starts dating a girl. Since he started dating this last chick he has repeatedly no-call-no-showed at the gym without apology. They make a ton of noise late at night so I can’t sleep, and when she’s around he acts all tough and stand-offish. Last week, he called my friends “those fags” in front of his girlfriend, and I called him out on it. He said if I didn’t like it, he would move out and I could find another guy to “fall in love with.” Am I wrong to be furious with Leo for being a macho prick?
—Good Friend Gone Bad
Dear Gone Bad:
I hate to break it to you, honey, but Leo has issues. The fact that anyone’s personality turns so radically in any situation demonstrates a profound problem. Whether its immaturity, internalized homophobia (which, for the record, is my guess) or just standard issue asshole-ism, Leo is bad news and I would be looking for new accommodations tout de suite. We can debate the various components of Leo’s unsuitability as a roommate, but this is a narcissistic, delusional asshole who is better present in your life from a more comfortable distance than your current association. Call one of our many brethren who deal in properties and find yourself a new abode and a new start.
