Uprisings: Six as a weapon

As if the holidays weren’t already filled with all the comfort and joy and everything else that could potentially cause side-eyes or horror, just before Christmas, your favorite hoard of aberrant Republican reindeer decided – well at least six of them did – that they would sign on to enact the First Amendment Defense Act (SB 1598, HB 2802) within their first 100 days in office. We would laugh, but this isn’t funny. The bill, which was excreted by Republican Rep. Raul Labrador, R-ID, and his sidekick Sen. Mike Lee, R-UT, seemed a bit like a lark when introduced over the summer. Who does that? But now, with Republicans desperate to distinguish themselves from the Trump or the kindness, we have a situation.

What the First Amendment Defense Act does, effectively, is allow businesses (and lobbying groups, as we’ve seen) to discriminate against gay people. You know the words: “Marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman,” “sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage.” Oh, fuck off.

In the year that we celebrate in this issue, a year wherein state and federal forces combined to legalize marriage equality, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, but not necessarily an unexpected downer. Ted Cruz, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Carly Fiorina, Rick Santorum (gross) and Mike Huckabee have decided to hate the majority of our readers and a minority in this country. What’s more, they’re doing it through clumsy legalese.

In the words of the Human Rights Campaign: “If passed, this legislation would create a breakdown of government services and runaway litigation. It would permit a federal employee, for example, to refuse to process tax returns, visa applications or Social Security checks whenever a same-sex couple’s paperwork appears on his or her desk. This legislation would also permit recipients of federal grants and contracts, including those for social services programs like homeless shelters and substance abuse treatment programs, to turn away LGBT people. It allows any of these individuals or groups, or anyone else who believes they have been somehow required by the federal government to approve of married same-sex couples, to file a lawsuit and potentially receive damages from taxpayer money.”

This from a corps of hopefuls who seek smaller government? It’s really tough not to go overboard criticizing this nonsense, but we will say this: What’s happening here, beyond the expected backlash and Klan rally noise from the right that knows no right (allegedly), is some fairly pathetic teambuilding from the Republican National Committee – actually some dangerous work to secure a voting base that is confused on everything except hate. The backing of (alleged) hate groups like the Family Research Council and the National Organization for Marriage aside, this is just cruel.

“It has become clear that the First Amendment Defense Act is rapidly becoming a signature issue that unifies the GOP,” American Principles Project senior fellow Maggie Gallagher said in the group’s statement supporting FADA.

And with all the joy in her tiny heart, she added, “Real concrete protections for gay marriage dissenters appear to be just one election victory away.”

Keep your eyes and your heart open. It’s going to be a bumpy year.

All the gay!
And you thought nobody knew! According to the Associated Press, Florida’s biggest news story this year was the legalization of same-sex marriage just at the tip: Jan. 6. Of course, we all know the backstory on this: the Pam Bondi, the Rick Scott, the John Stemberger (in a Boy Scout uniform), the blood, the sweat, the tears. But what a phenomenal accomplishment to have in 2015! There’s a lot about our “Big Gay Year” in this paper, so we don’t want to repeat ourselves, but, yes, in the words of Harvey Milk, we are “here to recruit you.” Not to our bedrooms, but to the right side of history. Well done, everyone.

Grayson’s progress
Everybody’s favorite giant person (and congressman) Alan Grayson, he of the “die quickly” and Alan Turing reminders about why life matters, won quite an honor on Dec. 28. Grayson is running for the U.S. Senate in a heavily contested race against establishment Democrat Patrick Murphy, who maybe isn’t a Democrat after all? The Progressive Democrats of America have officially endorsed Grayson in the race, saying, “We polled all of our membership statewide, and Alan won an astounding 90 percent of the vote.” Grayson responded by assuring Democrats that he would promote “peace, health care for all” among other things. He also applauded the group. “They not only fight to protect Florida’s workers, children and seniors, but they do the vital organizing work that provides the only path to delivering a Democrat into the Senate and White House. I’m proud to have them at my side.”

Ross gets Trumped
We were hoping to get away without talking about this, but because everyone is, you should know that former fake reality television star, city council candidate, clerk of courts hopeful and all-around underachiever Randy Ross has been named as presidential candidate Donald Trump’s Orange County campaign chairman. You may recall that Ross found some trouble by saying a former opponent only made babies while in office; you may recall that Ross allegedly stole some patio furniture. You may also note that Trump doesn’t like gay people, or at least gay people having rights. So if this makes no sense to anyone, then your senses are in the correct place. Watermark columnist Michael Wanzie took to Facebook to speak of this bizarre behavior, but we’re actually too worried about Ross, and his front porch, to talk about it. Trump apparently has no vetting apparatus. Orange County is losing its patience with Ross.