Three dates, three downers.
This is the first of a three part series describing triple disappointments in dating, and asking the question we all ask ourselves… “Is it me?”
Note: graphic language, brutal honesty, a true dispatch from the gayborhood.
Date #2:
Later that week, I decided to look for a date the old-fashioned, tried and true way…the internet. Ok, I didn’t say it was the right way. After searching the personals on my favorite gay website and logging on for hours in various chat rooms, I thought I had found a match. We had been talking for hours and his profile seemed to be right up my alley; “31 year old, masculine, big build, conservative, loving.” So, the next day we agreed to meet for coffee at my favorite Starbuck’s. I walked up to the door and a man stopped me. “Are you Erik?” he questioned, smiling under his Yosemite Sam mustache. I acknowledged, half-smiling. O.K. I thought. So, he’s not exactly like his picture. I won’t judge just yet.
We went in and ordered our coffee, and then it was out onto the patio to talk. The more we talked, or rather I talked, I realized I was on a date with “Rain Man.” When he did talk, he’d make these crappy, offensive jokes and comments and when I wouldn’t laugh, he tried to recover by saying, “just kiddin’.” Maybe it’s just me, but if you have to say ‘just kiddin’ after making a joke, You’re Not Funny! I sat across from him thinking that apparently “31 yr. old, masculine, big-build, fun, conservative, and loving” translates to “Fat, old school dress from the House of Helen Keller, i.e.; tucked in sports jersey, faded black tapered jeans and white Nikes. Loving means looking desperately for a long-term relationship. And fun means no personality and will laugh at all of your jokes. Good grief. I had to get out.
I was tiring myself out doing all the talking. I tried my damndest to turn him off, but he kept trying to “figure me out.” Ahhh! Finally, I went inside “to use the restroom” and had my friend call me on my cell when I went back outside, and pretend to be my job calling me in early. Back to the drawing board.
Stay tuned for Part 3…
