Dear Truth,
I am a healthy, HIV-positive man and my boyfriend of four years, Dustin, is HIV-negative. We are both in our 20s, educated and employed, and we can't get enough of each other. We almost always use condoms when we have sex (I'm the top), but we have barebacked a couple of times, just to â┚¬Å”get things started.â┚¬Â I'm not too worried because my viral load is undetectable; plus, I pull out long before I shoot. Last month I found out that Dustin poked holes in some of the condoms in our nightstand because he wants to seroconvert so we can bareback all the time. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, but I can't say that I totally disagree with his desire to give up on using rubbers.
After all, we're consenting adults and we are aware of the risks; it's just that we want to be that much closer to each other. Are we the only ones who feel this way?
â┚¬â€ÂLatex Hater
Dear Hater,
Yes, you are officially consenting adults. But you're also in your 20s. When you're in your 20s, it is easy to forget that your health is the most precious thing you have. Given the current state of HIV treatment, you're almost sure to live a long and reasonably healthy life. But here comes the Truth: there will be limitations. It's easy in your 20s not to see that, but unless a magic bullet is discovered, this disease will be a daily presence in your life for the rest of your life. That's not said to scare you or make you feel terrible. Just to give you a sense of the gravity of the situation. Intimacy is a beautiful thing, and in a weird way, Dustin's point of view is laudable. But this isn't about love. It's about immunology. You'd protect him if you had a cold by not kissing him. Allowing him to intentionally infect himself at your hand is a burden I know I could never handle with someone I love.
Dear Truth,
I want you to settle a disagreement I'm having with my friend: I am a 30-something woman living in Tampa and I have been single on-and-off for about three years following an eight-year relationship. Since my break up, I have relied heavily on my friends for support and counsel and they are really important to me. But every time I start dating someone new, my so-called friends hit on her as soon as my back is turned. It's gotten to the point that I don't want to introduce girls I'm dating to my friends so as to avoid a fight. They claim its harmless flirting and they're just trying to make my girl feel like â┚¬Å”part of the group.â┚¬Â I say they're disrespecting me and need to back off. What do you think?
â┚¬â€ÂCross in Carrollwood
Dear Caroll Wood,
This is going to be an easy one. Girl, you got some shady friends, mmmkay? What they're doing is so tacky, we need a new word for â┚¬Ëœtacky.' I would not only stop bringing girlfriends around to meet your friends, I'd find a girlfriend with a lot of cool friends. â┚¬ËœCause here comes the Truth: yours aren't so cool.
