Dear Truth,
My boyfriend, Brent, and I have been together since we met in college in 2003. I am originally from Mississippi, but I went school in Boston. After we graduated, we moved to Tampa for his job; plus, we both wanted to live someplace warm. The problem is that Brent is from Connecticut, and his family basically ignores me because I'm from the South and I â┚¬Å”draggedâ┚¬Â their little boy down here with me.
When they do acknowledge me, they talk to me like I'm stupid. They persist in making fun of my accent and have yet to express any interest in meeting my family. I've tried to be a good sport about it, but after all this time I'm really fed up. What should I do?
â┚¬â€ÂProud Rebel
Dear Reb,
The question at the end of your letter is at the core of your problem. You shouldn't do anything. Brent should. His family is behaving boorishly and it's on him to get them to quit with the hatin'. What is Brent's reaction when his family makes fun of your accent (which is so juvenile, and frankly substantially unenlightened, by the way) or when they say that you â┚¬Ëœdragged' Brent to Tampa? Does he dissent? Does he attempt to set them straight? Does he point out that he was the one who got the job that moved the two of you to our sunny shores?
It doesn't sound like it to me. Look, it’s clear why Brent allowed you to â┚¬Ëœdrag him' to Tampa. His family sounds like a handful. But it's his handful to manage. Here comes the Truth: Brent needs to grow a pair and tell his family to knock it off.
Dear Truth,
I'm having problems with my roommate. I moved in with Theo about six months ago and I swear he hits on my friends, including guys I bring home to hook up with. Theo is almost ten years older than me (I'm 23) and whenever I invite someone over, he hangs around the apartment (shorts, no shirt) and chats them up.
I've tried to give him the hint that I don't want him around, but it's his place and I don't feel right asking him to leave. It's just that I think it's creepy to have some old guy peddling his business on my friends, or worse yet, when it's my date. What do you think?
â┚¬â€ÂKissimmee Kid
KissKid â┚¬â€œ
First of all, it's difficult to give you thoughtful advice while I'm still reeling from your description of a 33-year-old man as â┚¬Ëœsome old guy.' A dagger straight to the heart, Kissimmee! But okay, I get it. He's a full 10 years older, hitting on your friends and it's grossing you out. So let's review the facts: It is his house so if he wants to lounge in shorts and no shirt in front of company, that's his business, if not a little tacky. Also, you can't really ask him to leave his own home to accommodate your social life.
Finally, it certainly occurs to the Truth that Theo may have invited a 23-year-old into his home expressly for the purpose of having access to your age group. So you have a couple of options:
1) Don't bring people around. I'm sure that is a bit of a nuisance but if you genuinely believe he can't keep his hands off the lovelies you're bringing homeâ┚¬â€Âplatonic or romanticâ┚¬â€Âwhy not just remove the temptation? From the sounds of it, speaking to Theo about all of this might be tilting at windmills.
2) Move. You don't own with this person. For that matter, from the tone of your letter, you don't even seem to be friends. (If one of my friends referred to me as â┚¬Ëœsome old guy,' they'd be off my Christmas card list for sure.) So just move, honey. What's the big deal?
You're 23, for Christ's sake! You couldn't have acquired enough stuff to make moving the truly arduous venture it is later in life. Here comes the Truth: While I always appreciate the questions and am so flattered that you read my column, this time could have been better spent on Rent.com or Craigslist looking for a new apartment.
