Dear Truth, My boyfriend and I are going to a dance party at a nearby water park during Gay Days. A friend of mine who is staying with me during Gay Days wants me to buy him and his boyfriend tickets so we can all go together. I like these guys, but I don't want to hang out with them at the partyâ┚¬â€Âthey're both big bears who tend to sit and watch other people do stuff. I can't imagine them trekking through the park with us, but I don't feel like I should have to ruin my evening to accommodate them either. What should I do?
â┚¬â€ÂOrlando Dancer
Dear OD,
So you'll let these people stay in your house but you don't want to go to a party with them? I have to be honest, honey: That's a little weird. And if all they're going to do is sit and watch other people do stuff anyway, I am unclear how your evening will be ruined. A simple â┚¬Å”Oh you guys are staying here? Weâ┚¬Ëœll see you when we come back from the Lazy Riverâ┚¬Â would suffice, I think. There's a nasty underpinning I hear coming through, though, that doesn't have anything to do with the inconvenience of having your friends attend with you. What I hear is a little bit of prejudice.
Please be absolutely certain that your very strong reaction to what seems a minor hassle has nothing to do with not wanting to be seen with your hefty friends, fearing,
shallowly, that they'll stand out like sore thumbs amidst the body glitter and the spandex boyshorts. Here comes the Truth: It's ugly, girl. If they're your friends, you should be proud to take them anywhere. Whether or not they would still want to be your friend if your true feelings were made known is another question.
Dear Truth,
I am a 40-something bisexual woman who was married to man in Kansas for over 15 years. I have two kids and one granddaughter who still live there, with another grandchild on the way. My family is the most important thing in my life, but my ex-husband is doing everything he can to poison my relationship with my children. He claims I cheated on him while we were marriedâ┚¬â€ÂI didn'tâ┚¬â€Âand he constantly quotes Scripture about me going to hell for my sins when they're around. My kids are deeply religious, but I know they would be more accepting if he wasn't endlessly trashing me in front of them. What should I do?
â┚¬â€ÂAlone in Oviedo
Dear Oviedo Mama,
Your ex sounds like a wackadoodle, and that is rarely something one can keep hidden for too long. If he is as poisonous as you say, and you've raised reasonable people, one would hope that they would be able to see that for themselves and make up their own minds. But it's important for you to state your case. Refute every single one of your ex-husband's lies, preferably in front of him, so they can see him react to your allegations. You have the truth on your side. Let them see that clearly. Let them know you'd like to visit and when, and then go. Be present in their lives. Call them regularly. If they want to push you out of their lives, and that of their offspring, force them to make that an active motion, not a passive one. If they share their father's hateful beliefs, they should be made to say that out loud. You can't change people's minds, but you can give them all the information. I'm hoping for you, Mama.
