Dear Truth,
At the beginning of this year, my girlfriend Sarah and I had a beautiful commitment ceremony on Madeira Beach. We went all outâ┚¬â€Âcaterers, a band, flowers, everything. Because of our work schedules, we planned our â┚¬Å”honeymoonâ┚¬Â as a cruise over the Christmas holidays, everything pre-paid. About a month after our ceremony, Sarah told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and we broke up. Today she sent me an email â┚¬Å”remindingâ┚¬Â me that I still owe her for my â┚¬Å”shareâ┚¬Â of the commitment ceremony expenses and the canceled cruise. I can't believe it! I don't feel like I owe her anything. What would you do?
â┚¬â€ÂBroken-Hearted Bride
Dear Ran-Away-From Bride â┚¬â€œ
First of all, my condolences. Pardon the vulgarity, but that just sucks. You thought you were committing to something that would last forever and I'm sure it's jarring to get such a rude awakening. Chin up, young person. It will all be fine.
As for the money, it's a little trickier. If Sarah were a thoughtful person, she would have sent an email that had said something like â┚¬Å”I realize that I called all this off, so I should bear a larger portion of the expense. How about you pay XX?â┚¬Â But I think we've already established that Sarah may not be the most caring person in the world.
I also am unclear how the finances of a ceremony in Q1 are just now being reconciled in Q4. I'm assuming here that she financed it all and you didn't, or at least hadn't yet, paid her back. Not sure the motivation there. There seems to be some sloppiness on both sides, where crispness could have avoided this situation. Of course, you weren't thinking that she's suddenly break up with you, so for that you can be forgiven. Legal speaking, I think you're on the hook for half the expense of the ceremony. No way around that, I'm afraid. I'm unclear about why cancelling a cruise so far in advance wouldn't make you eligible for at least some kind of refund. Please confirm that she isn't trying to double dip. Honestly, I would tend to put my foot down about that. Here comes the Truth: The ceremony is done and gone, but she broke up with you before the cruise, and I think she should bear the cost of pulling out.
Dear Truth,
I hate Thanksgiving. Every year I have to go back to my parents' house in Kentucky and endure four days of Southern Baptist sermons and contemporary Christian music. I have five older brothers and sisters, all of whom are married (of course!) and have at least two children, so the house is like a pre-school war zone. My dad avoids talking to me about anything other than UK basketball; mom forces a weird smile and politely changes the subject whenever someone asks me about my personal life. I'm out to one of my sisters, but she's worried that her husband will find out so she will only talk about it when we're walking the dogs. I'm truly thankful that I have a family to share the holidays, but I always come back to school feeling worse than when I left. Any advice?
â┚¬â€ÂTampa Bluegrass Kid
Dear TBK,
Yes, I do have some advice. Just stop. Just. Stop. Going. These people, while I'm sure a loving family, make you miserable when you're around all of them at once. Simply put, make alternate plans for Thanksgiving, and then go see them individually. Excuses about a local family inviting you to their holiday, or having to work before or after Thanksgiving will do the trick. (If you have a boyfriend, threaten to bring him. Based on your description, it sounds like there would be a risk of being uninvited.) This will allow you to dilute the experience, control it more, instead of getting the full-strength version every year.
Here comes the Truth: No one should hate Thanksgiving. It's a perfectly lovely holiday. Craft a strategy to maximize your enjoyment. An aside about your sister's strategy with her husband, if the husband isn't able to handle a non-blood relative being gay, he needs to grow up. And she needs to stop coddling his bigotry. I would tell her so, too. But that's just me.
