Dear Truth,
My girlfriend, Sheryl, and I have been together since 2007. Recently, we realized that even though we love each other very much, we're not meant to be a couple. Because we own a house together and have lots of shared property, we decided to take our time in dissolving our relationship.
We agreed that we would be civil and respectful because we didn't want to end up fighting. Last weekend, however, while we were lying in bed spooning each other, Sheryl announced that she was going on a date that week. I was speechless. Now I can barely stand to be in the same room with her, but I don't know what to say without causing a huge argument. I guess she has a right to see other women, but shouldn't she wait until we're officially broken up? And why tell me while we're in bed? Am I imagining things, or was Sheryl totally out of line?
â┚¬â€ÂSarasota Soft Touch
Dear Too Soft,
Sometimes, I think my gentle readers are messing with me and already know the response I'm going to give before they ever write. They do this by planting one sentence in an otherwise thought-provoking letter that turns over the apple cart. I think you know the phrase of which I speak: â┚¬Å”While we were lying in bed spooning each other.â┚¬Â Really, Sara? By the point you have decided that you're not going to make it as a couple, you are officially broken up.
Was she indelicate in her timing to tell you? Yes. Was in bed the right place to tell you? No. But you know very well that you shouldn't have been in bed with her in the first place. Ending relationships, particularly long ones where there are multiple entanglements like property, requires discipline and maturity to ensure no one gets hurt and everyone has their needs met.
You (the plural you, as in you both) clearly botched this one. That it bothers you so much that she has a date says there are still a lot of unresolved feelings there. That you are still sleeping in the same bad says even more about the nature of your relationship. If you are both serious about separating, then separateâ┚¬â€Âas in at very least one of you sleeping on the couch.
Dear Truth,
I am a straight 24-year-old woman and a long-time reader of Watermark. I work in the Orlando service industry and I have a lot of close gay friendsâ┚¬â€ÂI call them â┚¬Å”my boysâ┚¬Â and they call me â┚¬Å”mama.â┚¬ÂÂ
My problem is that my boyfriend, Wade, doesn't like to hang out with my boys. Wade is from a small town near Pensacola and he works in construction, so he hasn't had much exposure to gay men or the bar scene. When I've managed to get Wade and my boys together, he acts like he's pissed about something and barely says a word. Part of the problem is that Wade is really hot (he's 6'3â┚¬Â and he works out every day) so a lot of gay guys hit on him. It's getting to the point where my boys don't want to hang out with me if Wade's around.
My boys are really important to me and I want to spend time with them, but I need to figure out how to get Wade to see how wonderful they really are. Help!
â┚¬â€ÂWorried Mama
Dear A Hag By Any Other Name,
While it's lovely that you are such a friend to the community, you are also a young woman of dating age. Your friendshipsâ┚¬â€Âbe they with other straight women, gay men, or any other permutationâ┚¬â€Âshouldn't be an encumbrance on your dating life. I have a question, though, and it comes from an informed place. Okay so Wade is tall and sort of a blue collar stud, and I get how that can be hot for gay men.
But do â┚¬Ëœa lot of gay men hit on him' really? Gay men typically will admire from afar a man who seems very straight, no matter how hot, particularly when that someone is dating one of their female friends. I think that Wade might be a little 1) arrogant to assume that all gay men are after him; 2) substantially homophobic as I think we've already established.
The intersection of your boyfriend and your boys shouldn't result in this much conflict. That Wade doesn't want to go to a gay bar with you is perfectly understandable. Most gay men wouldn't want to spend time at strip clubs. That he behaves petulantly around your friendsâ┚¬â€Âno matter what his prejudices might beâ┚¬â€Âbespeaks someone who has substantial maturity issues. I don't think the boys are your problemâ┚¬â€ÂWade's immaturity and selfishness are. You need to find someone with whom you are entirely compatible and it doesn't sound like Wade is it.
