Six months in and we are still engaged! Six months in and we’ve also encountered some awkwardness when it comes to a “gay engagement.”
Let me back up a little. In my last column I wrote about how my then-boyfriend Abe Gadikian got together with my radio co-host Holly O’Connor, our producer Scott Tavlin and our boss, Will Calder to plan an amazing on-air, live-streamed marriage proposal.
I had no clue it was happening, which was a feat within itself. I’m super nosey and a self-diagnosed control freak, so it was very surprising that they were able to get away with planning it while leaving me totally in the dark.
It was one of the most memorable moments of my life and career, made even more amazing because we had the ability to share that moment of love with our listeners and the Tampa Bay community. After the excitement of the day calmed down, it took me a minute to read through the comments on social media because I just knew there would be something that would turn nasty.
If you’ve looked through any comment section for your local newspaper, TV or radio station, you know it can seem like the worst of humanity. It can look like a jungle scanning those sections.
So you can imagine how I was a little nervous to peruse our radio station’s social media pages about the wedding proposal, but I found not ONE negative comment. Not one person commenting on our gay, interracial marriage proposal. I was so relieved. The worst of humanity did not show themselves that day.
Then the holidays arrived. My fiancé and I decided to travel up to Atlanta to see my Mom, from a distance, and other family members. Up to this point I hadn’t realized that not a lot of people in my family had called to send their congratulations or send their well wishes.
I wasn’t surprised because my family would never win the family communication award. We’ve never been super close. I’ve felt detached since I moved to Florida in 2008. The rest of my family lives in Atlanta, and during my 20’s I didn’t visit often because I was making a new life for myself and discovering my newfound gay family here.
After visiting with some family members during the holidays and my Mom beaming proudly about her son getting married and showing off her new son to be, I thought excitement would spill over from other family members. Not so much.
There were a few awkward comments, which I let roll off my back. I didn’t respond or think too much about it, until after coming back to St. Pete. I was really upset that my engagement wasn’t celebrated by other family members who normally soaked up the joy of celebrating love.
I wish I could announce that after months of reflection and deep talks with family members, everything is wonderful and we are living in a peaceful, happy bubble of love. That’s not the case, which is another example of what many in our culture considers “normal.”
For those and other reasons, I was nervous about being around a lot of straight people as we recently had our engagement photos taken in public. Because of the era I grew up in, I can sometimes be a little nervous about PDA.
I’m not talking about heavy petting, but hand holding, kissing and the sweet things that straight couples never think twice about. I’m a Black, gay man in an interracial relationship in the south, so I can sometimes be a bit nervous about the slightest show of affection between the two of us.
For the first part of our photo shoot we returned to the site of our first date. There were people watching us from the window of the restaurant and before too long an older white lady came outside to ask what we were doing.
When we said engagement photos her face lit up. She wanted to take a picture of us because she thought we looked like a truly loving couple. She put me at so much ease, that little bit of kindness meant the world to me.
In the LGBTQ+ community, we are all trailblazers in our own ways. You being open and out at your work place is you being a trailblazer. Educating your workplace or friends about why using the proper pronouns for someone that is transitioning is you being a trailblazer. Each day that we leave our houses as open people just living our best lives means we are being trailblazers.
I’ve spent the last few months wrapping my brain around expectations and how to deal with them. I thought this engagement process would go a bit differently than it has, but you know what? It’s beautiful the way it has played out so far.
That’s one of the amazing things about being in the LGBTQ+ community, we get to make our own rules. A lot of us learn to build our own family units when we are first coming out and use that as a network of support. In the same way, my fiancé and I are doing that now as we plan our wedding.
Miguel Fuller is the host of Miguel and Holly on HOT 101.5 in Tampa Bay and hosts daily segments on the nationally syndicated Dish Nation. See his life in pictures and videos on Instagram @MiguelFuller.
