Critics are raving about the film, â┚¬Å”Beginners,â┚¬Â opening July 1, but for one South Florida gay man, the story is very familiar.
Writer and director Mike Mills's film explores the relationships between a son, Oliver (Ewan McGregor), and his gay father, Hal (Christopher Plummer). Told through a series of flashbacks after Hal's death, the film looks at the distant relationship between Oliver's parents and Hal's coming out experience at age 74 following her death.
Rob Johnston, 64, of Fort Lauderdale, found himself in a similar situation when his wife of 20 years died suddenly of a brain hemorrhage. The father of three children, ages 16 to 22, he was faced with the same life-changing decision.
Johnston met his wife when they were just 20 years old, but living as a gay man in upstate New York was not an option.
â┚¬Å”The explanation Hal gave his son was right onâ┚¬Â¦.These were things you just didn't do when I was young,â┚¬Â recalls Johnston. â┚¬Å”Being gay wasn't really an option. But the difference with us was that there was a lot of love in my marriage and with my kids.â┚¬ÂÂ
Unlike the character Hal, who Johnston says â┚¬Å”came flying out of the closet at Mach 2000,â┚¬Â it took many months following his wife's death to come to grips with his sexuality. â┚¬Å”Hal wanted to do it all at once and experience all the feelings he'd been wondering about for all those years. I felt bad for him because he really only had four years to experience the gay life. He was such a gung ho newcomer.â┚¬ÂÂ
And while Oliver was very accepting of his father's new lifestyle in the film, Johnston had more challenges with his own children.
â┚¬Å”I think Oliver was so open to it because he loved his father and saw love from him for the first time in his gay relationship,â┚¬Â he says. â┚¬Å”That wasn't the case for me.â┚¬ÂÂ
Johnston's own children didn't learn about their father for nearly a year after their mother's death, when his partner, Mark, moved in. He and Mark have now been together for 21 years.
â┚¬Å”My daughter just came out and asked. Mark was there and I wasn't going to lie to my kids,â┚¬Â he says resolutely.
Johnston's son, in particular, reacted strongly and immediately, threatening to commit suicide. The intervention of his son's girlfriend led to acceptance and an eventual relationship with Mark that would endure for years, until his son's unexpected death while still in his thirties.
â┚¬Å”My son was very â┚¬Ëœup' and a lot of fun to be with,â┚¬Â reminisces Johnston. â┚¬Å”He became a loving husband and an excellent father.â┚¬ÂÂ
Oliver was not so lucky, but for different reasons.
â┚¬Å”Some of the relationship between the father and the mother reflected in his own fear of commitment,â┚¬Â Johnston adds. â┚¬Å”He was afraid that he would have a relationship like his father and mother, not because his dad was gay, but because he was afraid it might become cold like his parents.â┚¬ÂÂ
â┚¬Å”Beginnersâ┚¬Â will touch audiences in many ways, feels Johnston, who, like Hal, also faced a life-threatening health condition, but survived. He describes the movie as an emotional rollercoaster as the various relationships are revealed in each fast-paced vignette.
â┚¬Å”It's funny, it's sentimental, it's angry and cold, sometimes at the same timeâ┚¬Â says Johnston, â┚¬Å”but isn't that life?â┚¬ÂÂ
And with a large population of gay men who came out later in life, Johnston is sure he's not the only man in South Florida who will agree.
Editor's note: J.W. Arnold is a reporter with the South Florida Gay News and this article is used with permission.
