For the past three weeks I’ve felt as though I’ve lived someone else’s life. My entire routine has changed thanks to a back injury that has kept me out of the gym, off my feet and away from any kind of physical activity. I can even tell my personality has shifted thanks to the frustration and irritation related to the injury. I’ve had to apologize to a few of my friends for my disinterest, dazed expressions or short fuse.
The whole experience of battling an injury can change your perspective. Of course, I’ve always sympathized with those who are injured or unable to remain active, but there was always a part of me that thought if these people would just motivate themselves enough, they could work through whatever pain they had and regain their health. Maybe I thought it was a mind over matter scenario. And why not, it had always worked for me!
But then again, I have never had any kind of disability and have been in good shape most of my adult life.
However, at some point over the last few months, I noticed a twinge in my lower back that just wouldn’t go away. At the gym I noticed it when I would walk from one exercise to another, but that didn’t stop me from adding plates onto the bar. On the softball field I noticed it when I couldn’t bend as quickly as I wanted to for those hard-hit ground balls. But, being the stubborn athlete that I am, I ignored the pain, added a few stretches between innings and kept on playing and popping ibuprofen. I continued like this weekly and kept hitting the gym hard every single morning. As with past issues and strains, I knew that eventually my body would heal itself and I’d be fine.
But this time, my body had to tell me it had had enough and it was a rude awakening.
I woke up one morning and could not easily get out of my own bed. My hips wouldn’t work, I had no balance and when I did finally get onto my feet, I couldn’t stand upright. I found myself clinging to dressers, walls, door knobs whatever I could find to navigate to the restroom. It was a literal shuffle to the restroom and when I got there, positioning myself was an embarrassing display of inefficient faculties. It was a scary sensation and the pain was unimaginable.
A visit to my chiropractor helped a little, and a deep tissue massage from a friend and licensed massage therapist seemed to relieve some of the tension. But I still was a long way away from feeling like myself. I knew something wasn’t right.
At the insistence of my husband and a few very close friends, I finally gave in and visited my regular doctor, who discovered that muscle spasms in my back were the result of two vertebrae turned in a not-so-comfortable position. X-rays showed my hips were about an inch off kilter, which naturally affected the way I walked, contributing to the pain.
After a drive through the pharmacy, the pain started to ebb, but not enough to get me back to my regular life. As I write this column I’m still sitting with an ice pack on my lower back and a hefty dose of Tramadol pumping through my veins.
I’ve shared my pain with friends in person and online, and everyone has a story about a back injury. I’ve heard about the benefits of ice and heat, inversion tables that make you hang upside down like a bat, and acupuncture. It seems everyone can relate to a back injury, but explaining the immobility associated with it is difficult if not impossible.
The experience has been humbling and reminds me we all take things for granted. Before this, I had never thought twice about my ability to walk without pain, and I shamefully admit there are times I didn’t or wouldn’t notice someone with some sort of physical issue because I foolishly thought I couldn’t relate.
I know that with patience I will eventually heal and get back to my regular, active and healthy life. But there are so many others who aren’t so lucky.
For those people, I now have the utmost respect.
