Learn It, Live it

I've never been one to set New Year's resolutions. To me, they're just another thing people do to set themselves up for failure â┚¬â€œ you don't accomplish it and then you feel bad about yourself. Instead, I prefer to look back on the previous year and reflect on what I've learned, then remember and apply those lessons in the coming year.

I’ve compiled my list of lessons learned in 2011. In no particular order:

â┚¬Â¢Trust your gut. Gut instincts are mental shortcuts your unconscious uses to make a snap judgment based on experience and environment.

â┚¬Â¢Don't be afraid to go after what you want and demand the three R's in your relationship; Respect, Romance, and Reliability.

â┚¬Â¢No sex without monogamy.

â┚¬Â¢Don't do things to get recognition or love. It shouldn’t matter what I can do for him. A potential suitor should want me for me; insecurities; flaws and all.

â┚¬Â¢We've all been hurt in the past but the trick is not take it out on the next person.

â┚¬Â¢He's an ex for a reason.

â┚¬Â¢If you don't have communication, you don't have a relationship.

â┚¬Â¢Without trust there can be no real intimacy. I learned that if you choose to believe someone outside of the relationship over your partner, there's a lack of trust in your relationship. Even though it may hurt, sometimes you need to be brutally honest about your feelings. And if you're lucky, you'll both be open enough to take it and grow from it.

â┚¬Â¢Don't take each other for granted. The longer and more comfortable you are with your partner, the easier it is to take them for granted. Don't lose sight of why you love and appreciate them.

â┚¬Â¢Don't allow the opinions of your friends or acquaintances dictate your relationship. Keep in mind; they generally know only one side of a story. Only the two people involved truly know the whole picture.

â┚¬Â¢Natural confidence â┚¬â€œnot strutting cockiness — is a huge turn on. Confidence comes from knowing your personal strengths.

â┚¬Â¢If after months or years of dating someone, they still can't be in a state of monogamy, as far as I'm concerned, they're in a state of denial. And I'm in a state as well. It's called single.

â┚¬Â¢Never make someone a priority when to them you are only an option.

â┚¬Â¢If he wanted to be with me, he would be with me.

â┚¬Â¢The bottom line is, we all want to be cherished, coveted and considered a priority; not for our body or our money or our stature or our youth but for who we are inside. I'm looking for someone who will love me for me, just as I am, someone who will love me unconditionally, without any reservations or second thoughts; someone who sees only me, the one person they want to share all aspects of their life with.

â┚¬Â¢Maybe I haven't found â┚¬Å”The Oneâ┚¬Â yet but I have found plenty of â┚¬Å”Onesâ┚¬Â â┚¬â€œ all of whom have helped to make me become a wiser, more honest, more soulful, more communicative partner for the next relationship â┚¬â€œ as well as better in bed, which doesn't hurt either.

â┚¬Â¢It's almost impossible to picture how we look in someone else's eyes. Our insecurities can distort who we imagine ourselves to be. So, I will not be hurt if someone doesn't like me or feel bad if I don't care for someone else. You can't control what someone feels. You are also entitled to feel the way that you feel.

â┚¬Â¢I will not be afraid to own my emotions. If I feel strongly about someone, I'm going to say it. Don't let the moment pass you by. Take a risk. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? Yea, sometimes it doesn’t work out but at least I can say I was true to myself.

â┚¬Â¢Never refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.

Erik Fact: Always let love take the lead.