As a community, we often send mixed messages. On one hand, we’re preaching to our straight friends and family that we are no different than they are and that our sexual orientation is but a minor part of who we are as individuals. On the other hand, we celebrate loudly the exact same thing, declaring something a historic moment simply because someone happens to be gay and is captured on a video camera.
It’s a tough balance, and one most of us cannot maintain. I’ve failed at it, as I am sure you have.
Earlier this month a professional bowler I know, I forgot there was such a thing, too won a championship and kissed his husband during a tearful celebration following his victory. While the actual event happened in November, ESPN aired the championship in early January. The win complete with the celebratory same-sex lip lock was beamed into the homes of sports junkies who actually watch bowling on television.
Immediately, news outlets released stories about the historic moment while LGBT spokespeople celebrated the kiss as another chink in the armor of homophobia in the sports world. The news wasn’t that this man, who happens to be gay, won the trophy and prize money. Or that he is an openly gay athlete. The news was that he kissed his husband in full view of a video camera!
Of course, ESPN should be commended for showing the celebration, much as it would show any victorious athlete celebrating a win. It didn’t shy away from showing spouses celebrating, regardless of their sexual orientation. The company very subtly showed Americans across the country that gay men participate in sports and have lives even spouses outside of the confines of their career.
In a perfect world, the kiss would have been a minor footnote in the news coverage of this sporting event. We never see headlines screaming, “Peyton Manning kisses his wife after touchdown” or “Roger Federer, wife embrace after Grand Slam win.”
The story and the headline would focus on the win or loss surrounding the sporting event and its respective athletes. The social interactions with their spouses would be buried at the bottom of the story, if mentioned at all.
Those who oppose equality for the LGBT community seize on opportunities like this to complain that we flaunt our “lifestyle” whenever we get a chance. However, the far-right sometimes flaunts it for us by finding a way to bring sexuality into any situation.
Have you heard the insanity surrounding CBS’s Super Bowl promo featuring Neil Patrick Harris?
Harris, star of the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, is featured in an ad wearing eye black with the date of the Big Game etched in white. It’s simple, conveys information and, because of his status with the network, offers clear direction as to where the game will be aired this year.
Immediately a religious website took offense to the ad because it supposedly mocked the very Christian and sometimes-decent-quarterback Tim Tebow, who often shares verses of the Bible on his eye black. Suddenly, a “loud and outspoken homosexual” is making fun of religion and pushing his sexuality on the American masses by simply posing for a picture.
It’s well known that Harris is gay and has two adorable children with his long-time partner. But the ad is not related to his sexuality in any way no more than an advertisement for The Apprentice is related to hair-care products.
Celebrating who we are as a community and as individuals is important. But knowing how to celebrate is a different challenge.
Jodie Foster is a good example. The long-time Hollywood icon finally came out in her own way when she accepted a Lifetime Achievement Award at the Golden Globes Jan. 13. She has never used her sexuality to define her and even while embracing it publicly, she focused on her career and her family.
We all come out in our own way whether it be from behind a podium in front of a crowded room of peers or on national television following a victory in athletics. But if we every truly want to be viewed as equal, we have to focus on who, rather than what, we are as individuals, all while remaining proud of all aspects of our lives.
