(DWTS logo from wdtvpress.com)
Each week, Watermark writer Kirk Hartlage provides a recap of the latest episode of “Dancing With The Stars.” If you missed last week’s recap, go here.
Considering it’s live, “Dancing With The Stars” is among the best produced shows on television. Typically, it’s choreographed as well as a president’s helicopter trips to and from Walter Reed Medical Center during an East Coast evening news cycle.
With missteps to both open and close the show, tonight was not one of those nights.
In its costumes, lights, backdrops and most certainly confetti blasts, there’s not a color of the rainbow that hasn’t been seen on “DWTS.” This evening’s episode, however, kicks off with the most off-color presentation ever to be seen in the show’s 29 seasons.
A black backdrop behind them, each of the show’s celebrities appears, serious in tone, in what could be the start of a Very Special Episode. Could they be addressing the nation’s racial and political unrest? The economic downfall that has included the layoffs of 28,000 Disney employees just this week? Could it be thoughts and prayers for those affected by COVID-19, especially the growing number of White House staffers and other government officials who only recently contracted the disease?
Nope. It’s a parody PSA about judges’ comments and how harmful they can be to the celebrity ego.
Ick.
Perhaps those Disney cutbacks started in the “DWTS” writers’ room. With 2020 being what it is, whoever approved this extremely sad and ill-timed attempt at humor not only deserves a “0,” but a swift spanking with the paddle that displays that very score.
Host Tyra Banks announces that tonight’s theme is, “All about our stars sharing really emotional stories about exceptional people and the times in their lives,” which longtime fans will likely interpret as the typically tear-inducing “Memory Night.” Tonight’s 2020 remix certainly achieves that on occasion, but it’s a theme broad enough to include dedications to two dancers’ grandmothers, a come-to-Jesus chat about instructing styles among one couple, and the origins of Anne Heche’s very public coming out.
At least next week’s theme is the far more succinct “80’s Night.”
On with the show:
•Rapper Nelly’s very special memory goes all the way to last week, when the judges said they hoped this week’s performance would be a breakout. His paso doble with partner Daniella Karagach instead recalls the walk/dance style exhibited by Carole Baskin. Though the couple dances to DJ Khalid’s “All I Do Is Win” it appears that sentiment will not apply to Nelly and this year’s competition.
•As Chrishell Stause prepares for her sensual fox trot with Gleb Savchenko, she shares her struggles with IVF; Tyra commends her, having gone through the process herself, describing it as “no joke.”
•“Cheer” coach Monica Aldama coaches partner and coach Val Chmerkovskiy on his coaching techniques. She asks if anyone has ever talked to the dancing pro about being more empathetic. The team meeting works as the pair do a proper content-filled samba to “Party In The U.S.A.” receiving their highest scores yet.
•Tonight we learn about the stigma Anne Heche received for dating Ellen DeGeneres. Anne shares that she and Ellen were not only asked to leave the premiere of Anne’s movie “Volcano,” they were also not permitted to attend its after-party. Anne would go on to lose her multi-million dollar feature films contract. Fittingly, the opening of her paso doble to Katy Perry’s “Rise” with partner Keo Motsepe opens with the transformation of Anne’s black outfit into a rainbow one. Though praised for her inspired honesty, the dance still comes off klunky and slightly off-balanced.
•“Catfish” host Nev Schulman shares his manscaping struggles in preparing for a rumba with partner Jenna Johnson. It’s the first time he’s seen his nipples in 15 years, Nev says, and he dedicates the grooming process to judge Bruno Tonioli.
•Justina Machado delves into her Puerto Rican heritage for her salsa with Sasha Farber. A tribute to her grandmother it’s a fun dance and a vast improvement over last week’s Superblandalicious Mary Poppins routine.
•Following a commercial break we return to see Tyra in a new dress. It’s amazingly off-putting for its shockingly unflattering appearance, so no wonder Tyra makes no mention of the change of outfits. Haute Couture? More like Haute No She Didn’t Couture. It recalls the discarded remnants of an overly-padded drag queen’s attempted ode to painter Sandro Botticelli’s “The Birth of Venus,” though one friend texted me, asking if Tyra was wearing a vintage car’s fender flares.
•Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe performs a Viennese waltz with Artem Chigvintsev. It’s clear that Kaitlyn has the most dance experience among any of the contestants. The judges note she’s had similar styles the last few weeks; they’re eager to see if her Latin dances will be as strong as her Ballroom performances.
•Not to be out-gayed by the likes of Anne Heche, Johnny Weir performs an sparkly and energetic jive to Elton John’s “Crocodile Rock.”
•Jeannie Mai learns her mother has organized a betting pool on her success in the competition. That she’s betting against her, Jeannie says, motivates her, which is apparent at least at the start of her attitude-filled tango with Brandon Armstrong to “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes.
•Footballer Vernon Davis share his story of being raised by his grandmother with partner Peta Murgatroyd. Their rumba to Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” sadly comes off somewhat stiff and lacking.
•Despite dancing to Carlos Santana’s “Smooth,” Jesse Metcalfe has let his facial scruff return from last week’s freshly-shaved appearance. Jesse has an undeniable smoldering swagger that surrounds him just standing still. Sadly, that heat is lost during his cha cha with partner Sharna Burgess.
•A much returned-to-form Skai Jackson dedicates her fox trot with Alan Bersten to former co-star Cameron Boyce. The emotional dance earns the first 10 of the season.
•AJ McClean and Cheryl Burke are virtually joined by the other four Backstreet Boys for their cha cha to the group’s hit “Larger Than Life.” AJ gets a mid-song solo with moves that look lifted straight from the boy band’s last tour.
Tyra sends off the couples individually who’ve made it through to next week, until there are three couples left. She announces the bottom two couples, somehow realizes she’s made a mistake, and asks for clarification. Tyra then asks for the return of the previously-declared-safe Monica and Val to join Anne and Keo as tonight’s actual bottom two. The overwhelming confusion on everyone’s part makes for great live TV, and it IS live TV, which Tyra reminds us no less than five times.
Though Anne is eliminated in a unanimous decision, the end-of-show scoring klusterphuck makes for the evening’s best story of all.
Tune in next Monday for 80’s Night at 8 pm EST on ABC or check back here the following day to see what you missed!
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