In his latest column, Dr. Steve Yacovelli, (a.k.a. “The Gay Leadership Dude”) shares his expertise on submitted workplace questions from members of the LGBTQ+ Community. Have a question? See below!
Greetings “Gay Leadership Dude.” I’ve noticed a lot of focus on “inclusive language” in my workplace and elsewhere. I work in real estate and as an industry we’re moving away from phrases such as “master suite” for more inclusive ones like “main suite,” or “his and hers sinks” to “dual vanities,” etc. Is there any guidelines or suggestions you have to help me use more inclusive language both at work and elsewhere? Thanks! ~ Inclusive Agent
This is complex topic, Inclusive, but glad you asked. I started really thinking about the language I personally use many years ago. I grew up in the Philadelphia area and one of our common phrases was “you guys” as a natural way of referring to any group of people, regardless of the gender mix. But it’s not as inclusive as it could be and luckily, I moved south to Orlando about 25 years ago and picked up “y’all” which of course is much more inclusive. But it’s a constant thought process as the meaning of words change, context shifts and we evolve as a culture.
There’s a lot of great lists of specific words and phrases we should or should not use in our conversations, but I think taking the approach on general “rules of thumb” that can stand the test o’ time is better. Here’s what I’ve found to be the seven best strategies to use inclusive language in your everyday world.
(1) Put people first. First off, only include identity descriptors of people when they are relevant to the current discussion. Focus on using person-first language: when describing others, start with the word “person” or “people.” For example, say “a person with diabetes” versus “a diabetic.” Adopting person-first language acknowledges the complexity of personal identity and recognizes that each person is so much more than any one of their identity descriptors people tend to use.
(2) Use universal phrases. If you don’t thoroughly know your audience avoid idioms, acronyms, jargon and cultural phrases that may not make sense to all people. For instance, consider the American phrase “hit it out of the park,” (did a great job on something), the British phrase “throw a spanner in the works,” (to cause something to not go as planned), or the Australian phrase “it’s chockers in here” (very crowded space). All three are in English, yet none translate well outside of its native national culture. In a professional setting, phrases like these may impede effective communication and make people feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, confused or excluded. (Sidenote: in your real estate professional circles don’t assume everyone knows every acronym unique to your profession either, Inclusive.)
(3) Recognize the impact of mental health language. This is a list of “do” and “don’t,” but try and avoid using these terms when not discussing a specific diagnosis: bipolar, PTSD, ADHD or OCD. If you do use these terms, it minimizes real and serious impact these conditions have on people who suffer from these conditions. For the same reason, steer clear of derogatory terms that stem from the context of mental health such as schizo, spaz, paranoid, crazy or psycho. (See recent well done, quick responses by Lizzo and Beyoncé.) Consider alternative and less-offensive words such as “atypical,” “erratic,” “antisocial,” “irrational” or “strange.”
(4) Use genderless language. I think our LGBTQ+ community knows this better than many but avoid gender-specific terms — especially ones that are more male-centric. Instead of “mankind” use “humankind,” “chair” instead of “chairman,” “y’all” or something more regionally appropriate instead of “you guys.” Use gender-free descriptions, and choose the singular “they,” instead of “he” or the clunky “he/she.” Doing so acknowledges the full spectrum of gender identities, including individuals who are nonbinary. Also, I am sure you know this one, but if you know them, use the pronouns that people choose for themselves: he, she, they, ze, zim, etc. or lead the conversation with that new client with “Hi! I’m inclusive, my pronouns are they/them, and let me show you your new home!” to show your prospective new homeowner you’re creating safe space for all of us.
(5) Be thoughtful about the language imagery you use. Take into consideration that some descriptors hold negative connotations for others and can therefore be offensive. Examples include the words “black,” “dark” and “blind” as in “a black mark,” “dark day” and “blind spot.” Avoid using these by expressing ideas literally, when possible, for example, “It was a sad day,” rather than, “It was a dark day.” This one you can Google some fantastic sites that list some of these phrases to avoid.
(6) Self-Reflection. Pause and think about your intentions for using a certain phrase or word, whether it may have unintended negative impact and whether there is a more inclusive way to state what you are trying to say. This is tough to do but the start of the “unlearning” process for those words and phrases that we *thought* were fine but really could be exclusive language. Think before you speak.
(7) Clarify if you aren’t sure. Most people are happy to share with you the language that makes them feel properly respected once you establish rapport. Talk to colleagues about their experiences and thoughts on what words don’t fit into their respective worlds. Share with your colleagues that you’re trying to create a more inclusive space for clients and co-workers and give each other permission to provide feedback when a word or phrase being shared isn’t comfortable to you. Assume good intent, but respectfully share why the word or phrase bothers you and be open when someone shares their perspective.
And I’d add one last thought: give yourself some grace as you seek to maneuver more inclusive language and “unlearn” some ways of speaking. Becoming more “fluent” in inclusive language takes practice and patience, and you may not get it right every single time. Language and context also impact this. I remember when “queer” was a slur yelled at 8-year-old Stevie on the playground; now it’s a more universally accepted term for our Rainbow Family.
Heck, I teach inclusive leadership for a living and I’m still learning better ways of saying things. Recently I was a guest on a podcast — podcast guesting is my “thing.” It’s fun for me and helps me tell the story of inclusive leadership to lots of pod peeps. During the conversation we were discussing trans inclusion in the workplace and I said “our trans brothers and sister” and the host awesomely quickly added “… and siblings,” meaning to include our nonbinary family members into the mix. Why this hadn’t played out in my mind still boggles me but I’m so happy that this host corrected me in a nonjudgmental manner and allowed me to quickly learn from my misstep. Now saying “brothers and sisters and siblings” is second nature to me and is much more inclusive.
Hold yourself and others accountable to try and be more inclusive in your language. Be respectful when sharing your feedback and perspective to those around you and remember we’re all learning — and unlearning — the best ways to say things together.
HAVE A QUESTION FOR “THE GAY LEADERSHIP DUDE”? Submit at YourQueerCareer.com. Please note the advice shared is for informational use only. It is not intended to replace or substitute any mental, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. Full disclosure can be found at the website listed above.
