Dating right now is harder than ever before. At least according to two-thirds of singles who were asked about dating in a post-COVID world by the Pew Research Center last year.
In the study, more than 60% said, in general, dating during the coronavirus outbreak is harder than before the coronavirus outbreak, with just over 30% saying it is about the same and only 3% saying it has gotten easier.
“COVID threw a monkey wrench into all aspects of our lives, including dating, and it has been a lot for everyone to adjust to,” says Steven Borrero, a licensed mental health counselor with 26Health in Orlando. “Prior to COVID people were using dating apps to find others but a lot of singles, especially LGBTQ singles, relied heavily on spaces like bars and clubs. The LGBTQ community in particular is a community of physical closeness, being able to be in a safe space with those who we identify with and feel more comfortable with, so when COVID hit and we weren’t able to do that, many of us were negatively impacted.”
With the fresh start of a new year, and after chatting with some singles and dating experts, we came up with a few tips to help you as you get back on the horse.
Embrace the virtual date.
Just like everything else in life at the time, dating moved completely online during the pandemic. And for many, that was the perfect place to get to know someone.
“We had to go 100% virtual at the start of the pandemic and some people found that that worked much better for them,” Borrero says. “COVID opened us up to different ways of courtship and new ideas in terms of meeting people.”
Whether pouring a glass of wine and chit chatting over Zoom or having an online watch party on Netflix, the virtual date let’s you get to hang out with a potential mate and see if you are compatible.
“Prior to the pandemic some people thought video chatting was weird, now you seem weird if you won’t video chat,” said Zach Schleien, founder of the virtual date app Filteroff.
The virtual date also offers a safer environment to get to know someone before meeting face-to-face, which is especially important with the amount of attacks there have been on the LGBTQ community.
“If you are meeting up with someone who you may not know very well, particularly if you are having casual encounters, let people know where you are,” Borrero says. “You don’t have to give them details if you don’t want to but make sure you are taking the steps to protect yourself.”
Take it slow.
You are not alone. Remember, everyone went through the same pandemic you did and they are most likely feeling the same anxieties as you about getting back out there.
“Don’t feel like you have to rush into something you aren’t ready for,” Borrero says. “A lot of us have mental health concerns with anxiety and depression because of COVID. Be self-aware of those symptoms and reach out if you need help. There are lots of tools that can help you if you are having trouble reconnecting after the pandemic.”
Know their status.
In the Pew Research study, a majority of participants said in deciding whether to go on a date with someone or not that it wouldn’t matter to them if the other person was vaccinated against COVID-19; however, a sizeable number — two-fifths to be exact — said they would only go on a date with someone who was vaccinated.
“COVID conversations can be an icebreaker. Typically, health issues are off-limits,” said Aimee Miller-Ott, an interpersonal communication expert and an associate professor at Illinois State University, in an interview with USA Today. “People aren’t asking on a first date about an (STD) test or if someone’s been screened for cancer, but they are talking about whether to wear a mask or what their thoughts on vaccinations are. That’s sort of become the new normal.”
It’s your dating life.
The most important thing to come out of the pandemic Borrero says, as far as dating is concerned, is people are realizing that the expectations of others don’t matter at all when it comes to your own happiness.
“You know what it is that makes you happy so don’t let the expectations of society, or that of your family or close friends decide for you,” Borrero says. “Only you know what kind of relationship will work for you. Some people are looking for a monogamous relationship and sometimes we are wanting an open relationship. Figure out what it is you want, be OK with what you want and understand that your opinion on your relationships is what matters.”
This feature is one part of Watermark’s 2023 Love, Sex & Marriage coverage. Read it in full here.
