Ladyfingers: Stepping into it

Nothing compares to the amusement of life’s unpredictability, particularly my life’s unpredictability. I ask that you read the following with that in mind: amusement.

While the following narrative may initially read as a dog whistle for sympathy or compassion, please ignore those instincts. On the contrary, if the universe truly does “have its way” then this motherfucker is having a comedic field day and I am living to tell the tales and laugh at them with you. Will lessons be learned? Maybe. Will I experience moments like these again in the future? Absolutely.

The most telling piece of information, first and foremost, is the idea that I am currently gazing upon not one or two, but four different to-do lists (two of which have “WATERMARK!!!!” written on them — #ShoutOut). One of my favorite pastimes/neurodivergent tendencies is writing to-do lists, checkboxes and all, and then at the beginning of a new week, I transfer the same “to-dos” to another list. Of course, not before I physically draw a checkmark on the previous week’s list. Don’t get me wrong, fam. That millisecond of orgasmic productivity is unquestionably worth it but that “Big O” ever so quickly becomes the “Big O… SHIT! I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME, BUT WHAT IS TIME, REALLY?!?!? It should come at no surprise that I have the resting heart rate of an Olympic athlete despite the lack of any physical activity whatsoever (unless anxiety attacks count as physical activity; in that case, I am a triathlete). I digress.

As of this writing, I took both of my cats, Luna and Celine, to the vet at 8 a.m. this morning. You must be wondering: “Why did you schedule to bring two cats to the vet? And why did you schedule for eight o’clock in the morning on a Wednesday?” My answer: I. Do. Not. Know. Before I could even really consider it, it was too late and that is mostly because I “considered it” 30 minutes before I had to rush out of my house with two cats and a triple-bagged Ziploc of feline fecal samples. Yet, there I was, heavy bags under my eyes and my two beautiful cats in the back seat of my dirty car. Nothing screams you’re ready to sit on the day’s face like sitting in traffic on I-4 and listening to the sweet, sweet sounds of your distressed cats, one of which whose meow sounds like she’s stuck in a panini slow press. I digress, again.

Upon parking at the glorious establishment that is Winter Park Veterinary Hospital, I exit my vehicle and take a responsible, tax-paying adult step towards the backdoor and simultaneously a step in a steaming pile of dog shit. Now, I do not consider myself an expert in the field of physics and/or statistics; however, I am 98.7% sure that the aforementioned canine fecal distributor (medium-large dog) took its Dumpelstiltskin right in front of their monster of an owner’s car door. And based on my observational research, I am 99.9% sure that the vile subhuman that calls themselves a “fur parent” peeped that mountain of poop, shrugged and went on their merry way.

As I stood there, one foot trapped in a mound of doggy doo-doo, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was just another addition to the long list of absurdities that seemed to follow me wherever I go. Life has a wicked sense of humor and I have come to embrace it, and in this particular case, smell it and dry heave it as well.

Luna and Celine, seemingly unfazed by the whole ordeal, stared back at me with their innocent eyes, oblivious to the comedic spectacle we had become. I couldn’t help but fully imagine — and delusionally admire — their resilience, as well as their ability to find joy in the moment. You know, the very same moment I had just riddled with expletives that include but were not limited to, “Are you fucking serious?! What the fucking fuck, dude?!”

Inside the vet’s office, the staff greeted me warmly, seemingly unaware of the unfortunate incident that had occurred just moments prior. As Luna and Celine were ushered into the exam room, I took a moment to reflect on the unpredictable nature of life. Yes, I had a never-ending to-do list and a knack for finding myself in ridiculous situations but there was beauty in the shit-riddled chaos.

Life is a series of unexpected twists and turns, and it is up to us to find the amusement in it all. Instead of dwelling on the mishaps and misfortunes, I am choosing to embrace them as part of my unique journey. So, dear reader, as I bid you farewell remember that life’s unpredictability can be a source of amusement if we allow ourselves to find the humor in it. Embrace the absurdity, laugh at the challenges and cherish the moments that make you question the very fabric of reality. For in the end, it’s these moments that make life truly unforgettable. These moments become the stories I share, the anecdotes that would bring laughter and joy to those around me, and if joy and laughter are the results, then bring on all the parking lot steamers, Universe!

With all my love and thoroughly-washed boots,


Sabrina Ambra is a co-host of Real Radio 104.1’s “News Junkie” program and stand-up comedian.

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