Friends With an Ex; Yay or Nay?

“Hello, excuse me pig? You don’t get to call me up and talk to me about everyday things. No, that’s over, bitch,â┚¬Â my new pal Judy Tenuta said, voicing her opinion on the topic.

I wasn't sure what John was trying to accomplish the other night but I did know that I wasn't going to let him wreak havoc on my emotions again. I wrote it off to him being drunk.

However, that wasn't the case for him. I began receiving texts, phone calls and emails from him wanting to talk about the other night; all of which I left unanswered. What was there to talk about?

Yet I knew if I didn't clear up the situation, I'd be haunted by it. And I knew I'd have to see him at some point since we were in the same social circles and from his messages, he seemed truly insistent on talking to me. So, I decided to tear the bandage off and hear what he had to say about it.

Instead of some earnest explanation, all I got was, â┚¬Å”I was intoxicated.â┚¬Â

Refreshing his memory, he responded with, â┚¬Å”I remember some of what I said and it was heartfelt but don't overanalyze it.â┚¬Â

John obviously didn't share my sentiments when I asked him how he could just turn it off.

â┚¬Å”You'll find someone else,â┚¬Â he said nonchalantly.

Gee, I'm glad that's cleared up and worth wracking my nerves over.

He went on to talk about us being friends. I've never been able to be friends with an ex. I'm a — â┚¬Å”We didn't work out. You need to not existâ┚¬Â â┚¬â€œ kind of person.

â┚¬Å”You're lucky,â┚¬Â my friend Michael pointed out. â┚¬Å”I've been trying to befriend my ex for months but he won't even talk to me. At least John's trying to make the effort.â┚¬Â

What's the point?

Erik Fact: They're an ex for a reason.

I feel like if an ex is around, you're bound to be constantly wondering â┚¬Ëœwhat if?' Despite what may have transpired; good or bad, feelings can get confused. I don't want to hear about him going on dates with people or sleeping with people. There's too much deeper emotion between us that I seem to be the only one willing to admit to. I can't keep chasing a ghost.

â┚¬Å”Two of my best friends are exes,â┚¬Â another friend Dennis told me. â┚¬Å”Just because we didn't work out as a couple, there are still things I love about them.â┚¬Â

Maybe I was being childish. When John invited me to meet himâ┚¬Â¦Ã¢â”šÂ¬Ã‚and a dateâ┚¬Â out a nightclub, I wondered if it was possible to turn was once a passionate love into something that fits on the friendship shelf? Since John seemed to be a friendly ghost, I figured we could take a stab at it.

I showed up with a date in tow, as well only to realize that his couldn't make it. After intros and some brief chit chat, John wandered off to be the ever social butterfly. Since he seemed occupied, my date and I decided to hit the dancefloor. It wasn't very long until John kept popping up with random observations like, â┚¬Å”that guy's outfit is tragicâ┚¬Â or â┚¬Å”I have this song on LP.â┚¬Â After the third or fourth interruption, it became apparent that it wasn't so â┚¬Å”random.â┚¬Â

Every time my date and I would dance close or I would lean it to talk to him, there was John. I realized that John was nervous. The friend part of me felt compassion but the old boyfriend part of me felt incredibly smug. In an effort to be a friend and to ease my date's discomfort, I apologized and told him I'd call him later. I stayed behind to hang out with just John.

After three or four Cape Cods, I thought maybe I had figured out the friend equation.

â┚¬Å”So, tell me what's going on with Danny,â┚¬Â I offered.

â┚¬Å”Really?â┚¬Â John inquired, surprised.

â┚¬Å”Yea. Friends are supposed to be able to talk about this kind of stuff.â┚¬Â

He nodded, and then went on to tell me how they'd been working things out and talking about compromise. He was even contemplating moving with him to North Carolina. I almost choked on my drink.

â┚¬Å”Ok, stop.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”What?!â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”You'd move to be with some guy you've only been dating for like a couple of months but whenever I asked you to do ANYTHING for me, let alone move, you made it a battle! In fact, you once said you'd NEVER leave Florida. Ever!â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Well, things change.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Meaning, what?! You just didn't really want to be with me. I was just convenient.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Danny and I â┚¬â€œâ┚¬Å”

â┚¬Å”Don't even say his name to me! Give me that much respect. You string me along for three years and then when things got too complicated or involved compromise, you just bailed and lined up someone else!â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”I don't need to deal with this,â┚¬Â he said, turning to walk away.

I grabbed his shoulder, turning him back in my direction. â┚¬Å”You're right. I'll go.â┚¬Â I began to walk away but turned back. â┚¬Å”I think this seems like a great way to end things.â┚¬Â

I finally got it. He's happy/we're over.

Even though it wasn't my proudest moment, I realized that while I could forgive John for what he put me through, the real problem was that I couldn't forget.

Yet, what really made me want to cry is that I’m losing my best friend. Whenever something funny or good happens, I still want to call him and tell him about it.

Erik Fact: You can't control what someone feels. You are also entitled to feel the way that you feel.

Eh, who am I kidding? Let's be real. Deep down what really irks me is that if he couldn't make it work with me then I don't want to see him happy with someone else.