All I Want for Christmas is a Jew, Part 1

Passion; a force so potent, we still remember it long after it's faded away. A drive so powerful, that it can push us into the arms of unexpected lovers. A sensation so overwhelming, it can break down walls we've built to protect our hearts. A feeling so intense that is resurfaces even though we tried so hard to bury it. Of all emotions, passion is the one that gives us a reason to live.

It's been quite the year of â┚¬Å”woohoo'sâ┚¬Â and woes for this sanguine scribe. A matchmaker, facebook, dating sites and yet countless dates later, John continued to be an unwavering part of my psyche. I'm sure a big part of that had to with the fact that I still ran into him among our social circles and he made a conscious effort to approach me.

Then, there was the feedback from my blog on the topic of being friends with an ex, which forced me to rethink the possibility. Or maybe those suitors didn't work out because I hadn't made peace with my past. So, a few months ago, John and I attempted again to reconnect. We started small; a cup of coffee, then a brunch, then a movie. We made sure to not have alcohol or talk about our demise. Oh, and no sex.

After awhile and with boundaries in place, I was really starting to see him as a true friend. Of course, our friends were skeptic.

One fateful night, while I was out dancing with some friends, John happened to be there with CJ, who he'd been dating for a few weeks. As usual, that didn't stop him from making a beeline to me. After chatting for a bit and some mild cocktail-fueled flirting, he leaned in to kiss me on the lips. I turned my head so that he landed on my cheek.

â┚¬Å”Kiss me,â┚¬Â John whined.

â┚¬Å”Um, I don't kiss my friends on the lips,â┚¬Â I replied.

â┚¬Å”So, what? Kiss me.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”I thought we were trying to be friends. Besides, you're here with your boyfriend.â┚¬Â

He went on to enlighten me about the issues he was having with his current and how much he missed me. In typical fashion, I tried to lend a sympathetic ear. The conversation turned serious when we began discussing what we were looking for in a partner.

â┚¬Å”Erik, I love you,â┚¬Â John blurted out.

â┚¬Å”What?!â┚¬Â I stated shocked, my eyes beginning to tear up.

â┚¬Å”I'm in love with you,â┚¬Â he stuttered.

â┚¬Å”Then, what are we doing?â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Do you love me?â┚¬Â he sobbed.

â┚¬Å”Yes. I do. I never stopped.â┚¬Â

As tears began to fall down both our faces, John clammed up.

â┚¬Å”I have to go,â┚¬Â he said.

â┚¬Å”Why? I thought we were actually making progress here?â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Come with me,â┚¬Â he beckoned as he cut his way through the crowd to find CJ.

A part of me thought he was going to drop the other guy like a hot potato and leave with me in true cinematic fashion. Instead, they simply began talking like nothing had just transpired between him and me. I stood off to the side, watching them have a heartfelt discussion about their relationship. What just happened here?

After what seemed like an eternity, I couldn't take it and walked up to the two of them.

â┚¬Å”Just so you know,â┚¬Â I directed to CJ. â┚¬Å”John just told me he was still in love with me and wants to be with me, so you might want to save your energy!â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”What?!â┚¬Â CJ said stunned.

â┚¬Å”I'm only telling you that so you don't waste your time like I almost did again. He's clearly playing games with both of us,â┚¬Â I stated as a mortified John stormed off.

After CJ left, I went to find John at the bar.

â┚¬Å”I can't believe you did that!â┚¬Â he berated.

â┚¬Å”Granted, it wasn't my shiningest moment but I won't allow you to play games with me or anyone.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”If you would've given me a chance, I was trying to end things with him.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Yea,â┚¬Â I said doubtfully. â┚¬Å”That's sure what it looked like.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”Fuck you,â┚¬Â he uttered. â┚¬Å”You're a bastard.â┚¬Â

â┚¬Å”No. Fuck you,â┚¬Â I said nudging him in the chest.

â┚¬Å”Oh, yea?â┚¬Â he challenged, pulling me towards him forcefully.

â┚¬Å”Oh, no you don't,â┚¬Â I said with a smirk.

â┚¬Å”I want to fuck you,â┚¬Â he whispered as he started kissing my neck.

â┚¬Å”I want you to, too.â┚¬Â

John grabbed my hand and led me out of the club and towards our cars. Before we even got into the house, we were pulling each other's clothes off. The passion was definitely still there.

Before I start to sound like an erotica novel, cut to post coital. Now what?