I could have easily changed a regrettable moment in my past by simply commenting on a specific style of shoe. But because of surprise, or maybe a sheer lack of balls, I remained silent and have been embarrassed by my inaction ever since.
The cover of this issue of Watermark, featuring the incredibly talented Jami Gee, brought back a vivid memory from inside a St. Petersburg Payless Shoe store.
Being a larger guy, shoes near my size tend to be at the end of the men’s selection, which in this instance butted up against the women’s department. While one column of shoes hosted men’s styles, the next column had larger women’s shoes, including high heels.
While I quietly tried on several pairs of men’s shoes to see which would fit me better, another man, close to my age and accompanied by a woman I assumed to be his wife and a teenage boy, hunted for shoes next to me. The boy needed a new pair, and when the woman accidentally pulled a box of women’s heels off the shelf, they laughed, and the man commented about how he would never allow his younger male counterpart to slip even a toe into a woman’s shoe!
The level of the offense in his voice was surprising, despite the laugh that accompanied his statement. It was an opportunity to address an issue that is so important and so close to so many of my friends. I wanted to tell this man that what style of shoe a boy-or a girl for that matter-wants to wear is no reflection on that individual’s character. I also wanted to share with him that a number of my friends, who were born male but transitioned to female, have absolutely no problem trying on the shoes that best represent their gender.
But I disappointed myself. I found my dress shoes, walked to the register, handed over my debit card and left the store.
The more I thought about it, the more I wish I could have relived the moment.
I’d like to think the person I am today would handle the situation much differently.
Over the years, my perspective, interactions and opinions on the issue of gender identity disorder and it’s directly related evil sibling-transphobia-have evolved. I can’t understand what it’s like to have GID, or what the experience of transitioning from one gender to the other is really like.
It’s a first-person perspective that can’t be understood or even learned.
But what can be learned is acceptance. And fortunately, that acceptance toward the transgender community is growing, both within the LGBT community and the overall community.
Which brings me to this: things are about to get interesting in Pinellas County once again.
Recently, the Pinellas County Commission voted to move ahead with a public forum concerning protections for transgender residents of the county. In other words, the county is wondering whether transgender individuals deserve the same rights and protections as the rest of us.
It’s amazing to me that this is even a question. Why wouldn’t we want to protect our transgender residents? Why wasn’t this accomplished five years ago when sexual orientation was added to the ordinance?
Unfortunately, especially in politics, not everything is so cut and dry for everyone. An upcoming Aug. 20 meeting will bring out those who are “terrified” of transgender people using the “wrong” public restrooms and hoping to lure children into a lifestyle of cross dressing fabulousness.
Not to make light of the situation-but that is essentially what those opposing adding protections for transgender people in regards to housing, job termination and public accommodations argue.
The Stonewall Democrats, Equality Florida, Trans*Action Florida and a number of other LGBT advocacy groups plan to speak out for protections of our transgender neighbors at that open meeting, and I hope a large number of private citizens do, too.
Afterall, this isn’t a case of “if the shoe fits,” or even “walking a mile in someone’s shoes.” It’s a case of “we all wear shoes-its style doesn’t matter.”
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