Trevor’s Notebook: Socially unacceptable

Maybe my age is showing. Maybe I’m not as tech savvy as I’d like to be.

Maybe I’m getting stuck in my ways like I promised myself I wouldn’t do when I got to be my parents’ age. But what in the world has happen to social graces in our community?

Thanks to social media outlets like Facebook, Instagram, Grindr and Scruff, our initial connection to another person has been reduced to a “Hey! ‘Sup? Trade pics?” What’s even more disturbing than that poorly formed sentence structure we now consider an appropriate “greeting” is the response to the exchange of one or two pics thereafter.

We immediately assess whether we’re going to continue the conversation or move on. And the way some of us “move on” is beyond rude—it’s downright nasty! Not to mention the absurd arrogance some guys wield online as if they’re God’s gift to gays. Even though that have just a part-time job at age 30 and still don’t own a car. (More on that later.)

I guess it just doesn’t seem that long ago to me, when Friday night at 7 p.m. meant Happy Hour at the neighborhood bar. For me, it was Cactus Club in Orlando. The place was packed. There was no texting your friends to see when and where you were all going to meet up.

You just knew to be there. And when you got there, that’s when you began the lost art of socializing.

Yea, you chatted it up with friends, but as a single man, you were there to see and be seen. You couldn’t hide behind a fake pic or one you took last summer when you were in shape that one week for the trip to Pensacola.

What you saw is what you got. And that was ok. Because if you caught someone’s eye or someone caught yours, you got your nerve up, walked over and had a conversation!

One thing was certain: when you said “Hi” to someone, they always said hi back. Ignoring someone who is talking to you never crossed anyone’s mind. Instead of exchanging pics, we exchanged words.
For so many, those words lead to friendships, even if it was for one night. They lead to longer lasting friendships and they even lead to relationships that are still going strong today.

On social media, we don’t give enough time to get to really know anyone or to let anyone get to know us. Have you seen some of the profiles on Scuff and Grindr? Most guys haven’t even taken the time to fill any of it out. And yet their blank screen is supposed to make me jump to respond when they utter an anonymous “Hey.”

Be still my heart!

Oh, but some of the profiles that are filled out read like a menu of social inappropriateness. Listing age ranges and race preferences like they’re ordering take out. Oh, and for the record, when you list race restrictions on your profile, you’re not expressing a preference, you’re expressing prejudice.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines prejudice as: (1) preconceived judgment or opinion; (2)an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge. I dare any of you to tell someone to their face that you’re not interested in talking to them because of their race. Suddenly, it doesn’t sound like just a preference anymore, does it?

Our social interactions have been reduced to a series of text messages and selfies that leave our faces buried in the LED light of our smart phones, and we find ourselves dumbfounded as to why we can’t find a meaningful relationship.

I’ll use as an example a young man my partner and I affectionately call our “son.” His name is “David” and he’s an intelligent guy who is wiser than most his age. But when it comes to socially interacting, he’s more interested in watching anime on his phone than watching a movie.

We’ve all gone to a neighbor’s pool party before, and while everyone else is drinking, talking and splashing about, David sits in a nearby chair tentacled by his ear buds to his Galaxy large screen smart phone, texting, scruffing, grinding or whatever it is these 20somethings do today… and only occasionally looking up to inhale a burger.

And yet, there are times he laments on how it’s impossible for him to meet a nice guy to date, or friends to hang out with on a sunny Saturday. Really? Is this a question?!

We are at a social crossroads in our community. We need to be smarter than our smart phones, more mobile than our mobile devices, and more social than these online social networks.

Take a chance and try taking the time to learn more about someone beyond their profile pic and two sentence prose. Better yet, try leaving your smart phone at home. (ok, ok— just leave it in the car) and go to a bar or restaurant with friends and talk instead of texting the evening away.

You never know, you may end up talking yourself into a closer friendship or something even more.