Well 2020, you’ve been memorable! Almost nine months into quarantine, my family and I are still washing our hands compulsively, wearing masks, social distancing, working remotely and distance learning.
It doesn’t feel like much has changed, nor have we had much progress. Instead, the COVID numbers are rising, the president is still refusing to concede and racism and white supremacy are still very much alive.
My family and I have slipped into a routine. Our daily grind of schoolwork, Zoom meetings, conference calls and juggling time and workspace. I’ve fallen victim to sweatpants, sports bras and comfy T-shirts as my customary work attire. However, in our new normal, we have found solace in simpler things like card games, long walks, bike rides and we even went camping a few weeks ago. Well, we stayed in a rustic cabin, but in my book, it still counts.
While a lot feels like it hasn’t changed in quarantine, I daydream about returning to our pre-quarantine, pre-COVID lives and it feels foreign and strange. I don’t feel the same. During this time, I recognize that I’ve changed. Out of survival and keeping my sanity, I’ve been forced to purposely seek out self-care. A term that I never paid much attention to or thought much about. It felt like something I would get to eventually when I have some free time. Self-care wasn’t trendy or popular before 2020. As a society, it wasn’t a priority. My parents, teachers and professors never taught me about self-care. Even when earning my Master’s in Mental Health Counseling, we never completed course work on “self-care.”
For some, self-care is viewed as selfish and greedy; to put yourself first and to meet your needs before others. For me, it’s been critical to my soul, to my spirit and to my mental health. I’ve learned to purposely seek out activities that bring me joy, make me smile, fill my heart and give me a sense of purpose.
To distract me from the headlines, a handful of Zoom funerals and our four walls, I dove headfirst into volunteer work, my happy place. I’m on the Board of Directors for Zebra Coalition and Come Out With Pride. Since most nonprofits were greatly impacted by COVID, I knew that there was a lot of work to be done.
At Come Out With Pride, we were determined not to cancel Pride and press on. And, we did just that! On the morning of Pride In The Streets, our vehicle processional throughout Orlando, I headed to the launch area to help execute the event. By mid-morning, the parking lot was packed with various cars, trucks and vans. People dressed in their best and brightest Pride attire, while still wearing masks, of course. Pride flags flying so proudly. Music bouncing. The air was buzzing. Pausing to take a deep breath, I stepped back for a moment to let it all sink in. I was brought to tears and overwhelmed by emotions. After months of quarantine, I was reminded that I wasn’t alone. I have a community and it’s beautiful, bold and diverse. This sliver in time became a self-care moment that I cherish and hold onto when time seems to drag.
On other days, I write gratitude lists, spelling out all the things in my life that I’m thankful for. Depending on my mood, the moon, how my children are behaving or what’s for dinner, my lists could be full of small, simple things or riddled with complexities and existential examples. It varies. I admit, at times, I have to dig deep.
My family and I have experienced various forms of loss during this time but I always find something to be grateful for and appreciate. In the name of self-care, I’ve learned to pause in moments and seek out ways to live in these seconds of time. Family dance parties in our kitchen. Letting go and allowing myself to get lost in a good book. Enjoying the smell of my favorite candle. Feeling a runner’s high when challenging myself to run one more mile. Falling in love with the grace and elegance of a full moon and basking in her bliss. Sitting on my back porch, savoring a cool breeze and watching the palm trees sway. These moments in time can’t be repeated, but are easily forgotten or taken for granted. I’m so eagerly trying to capture and keep them in my pocket to cherish later
As we barrel towards the end of the year, I reflect on 2020 and I must acknowledge that this hellacious, dumpster fire of a year has given me the magnificent gifts of self-care and gratitude. This year has taught me to focus on the things I have versus the things I don’t. When times are rough, my spirit is low and my motivation is lacking, I remember I am not alone and that I need to be kind to myself, focus on gratitude and seek out and live in those moments that spark my soul, ignite my passion, make me smile and bring me joy! In those moments, I’ve built hope that 2021 will be better!
Tatiana Quiroga is the Director of Family Equity and Diversity for Family Equality. She is a proud mother, wife and LGBTQ advocate in Central Florida.
