“Why are you guys even here?” This was the very direct and rude question my husband was asked in March during this year’s Tampa Pride. We were sitting at a crowded table shared with friends, old and new, at Hamburger Mary’s Ybor. Our eight-year-old son Jake was with us.
My husband, being the kind and patient human being he is, answered in great detail. He explained to his interrogator that we were attending Tampa Pride in support of our youngest child, who identifies as transgender. Jake was even on a float and gave out beads in the parade. It was an important and magical day for us as parents seeing our little dude being himself. Celebrating diversity is one of my fondest memories with Jake so far.After my husband explained we were there with our transgender child, she suddenly wanted to buy us a drink and chat. She even wanted to take pictures with Jake. This was after a lot of side eye and whispering with her male companion.
I have been a cosmetologist since 1998. Within the hairdressing industry I have met so many types of people over the years. Gay, straight, gender fluid, transgender, gender non-conforming, black, white, biracial … the list goes on and on. Although I am a 40-year-old white woman who drives a minivan, I am an ally and I am a champion of diversity and inclusion. I went back to school in 2013 to work in social services and I have met even more amazing people on that career trajectory.
If the young woman interrogating my husband had asked me the same question, she would have gotten a much different answer. I didn’t find out about the conversation until hours later when we were home. I felt so many things when my husband told me this individual was questioning our attendance at the celebration, but mostly I felt anger. Then I felt sadness and worry for the world my kids are growing up in.
My anger from being asked this question comes from many places. If I had been approached in this manner, I would have asked this individual what she had done for her community. What role does she have in empowering and supporting the LGBTQ community? I proudly worked in HIV care for nearly a year after getting my degree studying mental health at USF. I have supported the community I personally love by shopping at local businesses, working with members of the community to promote health and wellness, and finally, I have strongly advocated for my transgender son. But do I need a sign or a button on my shirt to define why I am at Pride to explain my place in this community I consider myself an advocate and ally for?
Over the last two years, as our son has transitioned, our family has been subjected to scrutiny, unwanted opinions, school struggles and the realization that not everyone will love our youngest because he is transgender. I have had to explain this to numerous school employees, pediatricians, daycare workers and all health-related providers in advance, just so the baby of the family isn’t addressed using the incorrect pronouns or a birth name that he doesn’t even associate with himself. We have felt both frightened and protective.
We worry about all our children, but are aware that our son will be more likely to experience more anxiety and fear simply because he has become his true self.
I have no reason to explain myself or my family. We are open-minded, we volunteer, we support the LGBTQ community and we consider ourselves to be a part of this world. I am proud that my children are being raised in a modern family without discrimination or indifference to those not exactly like us. My sadness came from the way that this person felt it was fine to question our attendance.
Pride, to me, means a celebration of this community and a day of self-expression: an event without fear, ignorance or shame. Pride is a day to champion diversity and inclusion and provides a sense of community.
I will continue to support this community I love so dearly. I am a proud mother of four amazing children, one of whom is transgender. I am proud of all of my friends and family who have struggled to find their place in this harsh and frightening world because of their differences from the status quo. I will continue to love and protect this community because it is my family as much as my blood family is to me.
I am an ally. I am a woman. I am someone who wants us to all live together with acceptance and love. And I will attend Tampa Pride next year and the years to come, like I have for so many years. This is why I am here.
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