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Each week, Watermark writer Kirk Hartlage provides a recap of the latest episode of “Dancing With The Stars.” If you missed last week’s recap, go here.
We see you, “Dancing With the Stars.”
It might not play to your ratings strength to have a full-fledged “Gay Night,” but we’ll take this evening’s “Icons”-themed episode as a wink-wink-nudge substitute.
Tonight’s episode will pay homage to musical icons. When all but one of the male singers honored are (or were) bi or gay men, and every female artist recognized is known by her first name alone … well, that’s obviously the DJ’s playlist at any proper Sunday Funday gay bar tea dance anywhere.
By show’s end, it will be telling to see what musical artists don’t make the cut. (Spoiler Alert! Tonight, there will be no Elvis Presley, no Aretha Franklin, no Michael Jackson and no country artists of any kind.)
“Icons” is just another way of saying “Retro,” and this evening’s costumes perfectly fall in line with that. Imagine a Halloween party where everyone was told to dress as their favorite singers, and you’d have the look of tonight’s get-ups.
Host Tyra Banks kicks off the musical fashion parade with a less-fleshy homage to Jennifer Lopez’ iconic Versace dress from the 2000 Grammy Awards. Channeling J-Lo in concert, Tyra delivers her show-open comments accompanied by a bevy of electric fans, blowing her hair and dress appropriately. A stage tech has quite possibly set the fans on “High” because Tyra looks like The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore reporting from the Gulf Coast during the middle of any given hurricane.
Two out of three judges have also dressed for the night. Derek Hough and Bruno Tonioli pay tribute to David Bowie (bi) and George Michael (gay), respectively. Carrie Ann Inaba, however, has come as “Generic Diva,” not wanting to play favorites, so as not to upset any potential future guests from appearing on “The Talk.”
Also, in an effort to not potentially upset any viewers, apparently there will be no discussion of the elephant, or donkey, in the ballroom: the elections. But with votes still being tabulated a week after Election Day, perhaps it’s time to consider turning our voting process over to a third party, say, whomever runs the voting systems for our live television competition reality programs.
If “Dancing With The Stars,” “American Idol,” “The Voice” and others can tabulate thousands of phone and text votes during a commercial break, it might be time to re-evaluate just how we’re running our democracy.
Or maybe we need more transparency in our reality show voting.
Just how DO they count all those votes in such a short period of time?
Well, that’s clearly a discussion for another time as there’s dancing to get to!
•Justina Machado and Sasha Farber dance a rumba to Madonna’s “Crazy For You.” Her outfit mimics the Material Girl’s mid-80’s tight leather look, which doesn’t serve the dance’s necessary hip flows well.
•Nelly dances jazz to Tupac’s “California Love” in a routine he’s helped choreograph. (!!!) The routine is fun, despite its many, many missteps, and further proof that jazz on “DWTS” might as well be called “freestyle” as there’s yet to be any consistency among all of the so-called “jazz” performances we’ve seen this season. It’s also the “Oh, we wish Len were here” dance of the night.
•AJ McClean has chosen Freddie Mercury as his icon. He and Cheryl Burke perform a Viennese waltz to Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” What’s designed to be his breakout dance turns out to be another open-mouthed jumble of a performance. The judges are convinced he’ll be back – and mostly award him scores equal to Justina and Nelly to help make sure he does.
•Unlike this season over on “The Bachelorette,” “DWTS” current Bachelor Nation representative Kaitlyn Bristowe will not be replaced with another performer. Kaitlyn seems genuinely excited to perform an Argentine tango with partner Artem Chigvintsev to “Toxic” by Britney Spears. It’s not the original electro-dance single, but instead a version best remembered from Naya Rivera’s quasi-acoustic take on the track on “Glee.” Kaitlyn’s dance has all the sharp edges and poise required and is rewarded with a perfect score of 30.
•Johnny Weir has already paid homage to Lady Gaga this season, so who will be his “Icon” tonight? Like Johnny she’s a bit cheeky, talented beyond her hair, and just a bit messy: it’s Amy Winehouse! Like Amy, Johnny relates to the pressures of being in the spotlight, though thankfully hasn’t given in to the demons that often accompany it. Johnny’s tribute to Amy includes dressing AS Amy, complete with beehive hairdo, and lip syncing the first few bits of the song. His quick step with Britt Stewartto “Valerie” properly covers the length of the ballroom and receives a perfect score of 30.
•Skai Jackson has chosen another non-related Jackson as her icon – that’s Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty. Skai admires Janet’s singing, acting and activism. She performs a paso doble with Alan Bersten to Janet’s “If,” which famously samples “Someday We’ll Be Together” by Diana Ross and the Supremes – so it’s like getting two icons for the price of one! The dance lacks a bit of the sharpness seen in Janet’s memorable choreography; nevertheless, the judges praise Skai for her attack and reward her with a trio of nines.
•Tyra’s Hour Two dress is a metallic shout-out to Nikki Minaj, though it could easily be confused for an ode to Lady Gaga. With its multiple sharp edges, the dress is certainly friendly to “stay away from me” social distancing. Still, it does make this viewer concern for Tyra’s own personal safety.
•Nev Schulman breaks code in his post-dance interview with Tyra, sharing his hopes for an increase in support for the Arts, thanks to the election of Joe Biden. Before that, Nev and Jenna Johnson dance a jive to “Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting” by Elton John. It’s all a bit reserved, compared to Nev’s previous dances, but his commitment to the performance still earns him high marks.
Tonight’s show also contains a Round Two “Dance Off,” which is a variation on last week’s “Relay Round” sham of a competition. Two couples will face off against each other in side-to-side competition, the judges will vote for a winner, and that couple will receive two bonus points. Nev and Jenna, having earned top scores last week, are exempt and automatically receive the two bonus points. Each match-up, song and dance style have been pre-assigned, so the only “surprises” here should be who wins each match.
•Justina completes against Kaitlyn in a cha cha to “Telephone” by Lady Gaga and Beyoncé. It’s sugar versus spice with Justina’s Latin roots giving her the edge and the win for two much-needed bonus points.
•Next Skai will salsa against Nelly to “The Cup of Life” by Ricky Martin. In a possible effort to gain viewer votes, Nelly sheds his vest and dances shirtless mere moments into his routine. Skai’s sharpness gives her the edge, and the bonus points in this dance-off.
•Johnny takes on AJ in a Jive to “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” by Wham (again, George Michael). AJ wins the toe-to-toe competition, though Johnny gave the bigger and better performance.
After the bonus points are distributed, Johnny and Kaitlyn are tied for first place, with AJ and Nelly currently in the bottom two. Once viewer votes are factored in (seriously, the commercial break was all of 4:38!) AJ and Johnny are in the bottom two and Nelly has escaped yet another elimination. Bruno votes for Johnny, Derek votes for AJ, Carrie Ann breaks the tie by saving Johnny because he’s successfully tapped into a new, artistic, creative outlet and she wants to see more of it.
Tonight’s surviving couples move on to next week’s semi-finals, which means we still have five teams to move past before we crown this season’s winner.
Tune in next Monday at 8 p.m. EST on ABC, or check back here to see what you missed!
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