For those of you who may not have noticed, this past Memorial Day weekend Karla Sofía Gascón made history when she became the first trans woman to be honored with the Best Actress award at the Cannes Film Festival.
In truth, all the women from her star-turning film, “Emilia Pérez,” were given the award including superstars Zoe Saldana and Selena Gomez, but it was Karla who accepted on their behalf. Why? Who can say, but I suspect they knew that she would deliver a memorable acceptance speech about a film that centered her as a trans woman. That instinct was a good one as she delivered a hopeful, heartrending and defiant speech for the ages that cut to my soul as a trans person. I haven’t been so moved since I witnessed Tom Hanks’ speech live upon accepting the Academy Award for “Philadelphia” 30 years ago. Of course, back then I was still a long way away from accepting I was a gay trans woman, so Gascón’s speech carried extra resonance in my here-and-now. And never was I so happy to be able to receive and understand it in Gascóns’ native Spanish. She reached me not just in my queer identity, but in a deep and elemental part of who I am as a person. Mis raíces.
Now whereas Hank’s speech was an emotional and erudite symphony, Gascón’s was an at-times profane corrido describing the everyday suffering of trans people everywhere at the hands of “terrible” people. As the words tumbled out of her, it was easy to see her own pain in her tears and hear it in her slightly shaky, yet somehow simultaneously strong and forceful voice. It was obvious that she was under immense pressure, struggling to not break apart completely into a sobbing rage.
Still, though she held it together, a hint of that anger managed to sneak out in her parting shot as she asked the trans bigots to turn away from their hate and denigration. “Let’s see if you bastards can change,” she spit into the mic with a wry smile and a slightly nervous chuckle before forcefully shouting “Long live France! Long live Cannes!”
If you haven’t yet seen her speech, or for that matter Tom Hanks’, it is worth your time to look it up. I myself sent it around my socials and was surprised at how many people reacted with clear empathy, and how it caught the attention of a few of the coveted “blue check” accounts. All too often when I post about the plight of trans people, I am met with silence. And I get it even if I find it terribly frustrating. What is there possibly to say that can help? I would suggest however that nothing is not the way to go. Anything that can dispel the fear that we are in this fight alone is helpful and personally does my mental health a world of good. Perhaps the secret is that Gascón’s speech was a trojan horse by being a plea for tolerance inside of a joyful moment. Note to self: If I ever win an Emmy, Oscar, Grammy or Tony, that would be the time to make my appeal for equality. It can be so hard to break through the noise and apathy otherwise.
Clearly Gascón hit a nerve, but as with many things on social media, for most people it disappeared into the ether. For me though, it was a much more personal moment that I can’t shake days later. I didn’t just empathize with her, I FELT that rage along with her. It bubbled in my blood and threatened to take my composure apart. The mask that myself and other trans people wear with a wan smile and “things are fine” on our lips almost fell away as she described our pain. I wish I had better words to describe what it felt like in that moment teetering on the edge of deep fury and profound sorrow as she described the ridicule and surveillance trans people are forced to endure in a society that gets more toxic to our existence day by day.
I wish I could also say that was the first time I had felt that way, but sadly no. Usually it sneaks up on me when I least expect it. I can be yapping away dispassionately describing something that is in actuality truly awful. Another trans or nonbinary person has been murdered. A new law has been passed that could possibly take away our right to go to the bathroom, or our needed medication, or our children. I suddenly find my voice trembling and hot tears welling up in my eyes. It is in those moments I realize how deeply I have been suppressing my emotions so I can remain functional and not reduced to a blubbering mess. It is startling and revealing.
In many ways I am grateful to Gascón besides the pride I feel as a fellow trans woman at her accomplishment. It took great bravery to stand on the world stage and lay her emotions bare like that for all to see. To be so naked knowing, and directly addressing, the attacks that would inevitably come from the very people she was talking about. By doing so she gave a literal voice to the pain they are causing. I hope her message changed a few hearts and at the very least forced everyone to bear witness to her humanity and the humanity of all trans people.
So for Pride month, hug a trans person. I promise you we need it.
Melody Maia Monet has her own trans lesbian themed YouTube channel at YouTube.com/MelodyMaia.
