Dear Truth,
I am a 30-something gay man living in Jacksonville, and I work in sales and marketing for a medium-sized business. I’m not out at my job, and much of what I do depends on networking and contacts as well as my reputation. My problem is that one of my company’s biggest clients, Curtis, found out that I am gay and has been hitting on me at company and social events.
People here know that Curtis is gay, and there are already rumors floating around about me because of his sudden interest. I don’t think Curtis is trying to harm me, but I know I won’t have a job if I get outed. Besides, I don’t find him at all attractive! I’ve told Curtis repeatedly that I’m not interested, but he knows that there’s nothing I can do because of his status with my company. How do I get this guy off my back without jeopardizing my job or my ethics?
—Cornered in Jax
Dear Cornered,
My first instinct is to tell you to take the power back in this situation and come out yourself. If you get fired as a result of that, you have legal remedies at your disposal, but not just those. You can also let Curtis, one of the company’s biggest clients, know what happened. I’m guessing he won’t take that too well, and at the end of the day, the customer is king. If the company is willing to have gay people as customers, they sure as Hell need to be okay having them as employees. Here comes the Truth, baby: If push comes to shove (and I honestly hope it wouldn’t), I’d talk about taking your excellent work—and Curtis’ account—to your biggest competitor. Yes, it’s playing hard ball but if you truly work for an organization that wouldn’t have you as you are, is that really a company you want to work for anyway? If all this is too much for you, I say keep your head down, quietly let Curtis know he’s making you uncomfortable, and dust off your resume. It’s time to find a new, and more progressive, employer.
Dear Truth,
My girlfriend, Gaby, and I have been together about 18 months and we are generally a pretty easygoing couple. We just moved in together and I’m convinced that she is the love of my life. The one thing that we disagree on is the thing that brought us together: softball. We met at a softball game, we play in several Orlando leagues (including the gay one), and we know a lot of the women at the fields. Gaby gets all upset because, according to her, I flirt with everybody and disrespect her. I say that I’m just goofing around, and all my friends agree with me.
Inevitably, she blows up and causes a huge scene in front of everybody. I’m concerned that Gaby thrives on the drama and the attention that comes with it; I hate it, but I think it’s unreasonable to ask that I stop having harmless fun with my friends. What do you think?
—Tailgate Time Bomb
Dear TTB,
I totally agree that Gaby’s unreasonable jealousy is no reason to cease an activity that you love. Given that her jealousy is, in fact, unreasonable. It’s easy when we transition from single to coupled to forget that some adjustments to our lifestyle are necessary. You don’t say you’re not flirting. You just say that it’s harmless “goofing around.” Well if that’s all it is, stop engaging in that particular goof. Surely not all your humor is based on flirtation. Yes, Gaby seems insecure, but if you truly do regard her as the love of your life, I’d just be more aware of my behavior in large groups and how it affects the one who matters most. Her issue doesn’t seem to be time spent apart, or that you have friends, or that you play ball, but rather that you flirt with your teammates and fans.
If you are just a little more sensitive to your girlfriend’s needs, maybe the situation will heal itself. Gaby will see you interacting in a fun but platonic way with your mutual friends on the diamond and she’ll know she has nothing to worry about. If she still displays rampant signs of jealousy, you have a larger problem, but try fixing the issue from your side first. This way your conscience, and the commensurate conversation if that ultimately is the case, will be clear.
