Dear Truth,
My friends and I are very active in our local community and we do a lot of charity work. Because we are so well-connected and have experience in fundraising, we are often selected to oversee the planning and administration of events and clubs. It’s a lot of work, but we all believe it’s important to give back.
Our problem is that my friend, Kris, is on the board of a local gay organization and I suspect that he’s doing something shady with the money that the group is raising for charity. This group (of which I am a member) holds several fundraising events every year, but things aren’t adding up. Kris provided an accounting of funds raised and expenditures to the group, but it feels like we’re getting incomplete information. Not to mention, Kris stopped complaining about how broke he is after he got on the board.
I’ve been friends with Kris for more than 10 years—and I’m the one who introduced him to this social organization five years ago—so I don’t want to make accusations and embarrass him and myself unnecessarily. My other friends are getting antsy, however, and everyone’s looking to me to deal with it. The outcome of this issue could have a huge impact on my quality of life. What should I do?
—No More Shade
Dear Slim Shady,
Let’s begin with a question: How will this situation, and its thoughtful resolution, result in any impact on your quality of life? Usually “quality of life” considerations are around your spending power and the relative ease with which you meet your obligations. It seems in this case, you’re speaking of an impact to your social life and friendships.
Surely that can be as damaging as a hit to your earning power, just in different ways. The solution to the question is quite simple. You may have known Kris prior to the activities in question, and you may have brought Kris in to the fold, but you are under no obligation to handle this circumstance, nor are you required to shield Kris from the situation he’s (allegedly) created. In fact, since you have a personal relationship with Kris, the other members of the team should automatically recuse you and begin a formal investigation outside your attention. Here comes the Truth, baby: No matter what the outcome to your social standing or Kris’ freedom, your organization must get to the bottom of this, as allegations of fraud and malfeasance can kill a charity’s good will.
Dear Truth,
How long should I wait before I ask a friend’s ex out on a date? I am 24 and live in Sarasota, and there just aren’t that many hot young guys here. My friend, Ben, broke up with this guy, Prince, about a month ago after a one-year relationship. Both of them swear they will never get back together and they just want to be friends.
I have always had a crush on Prince and he has told me that he feels the same, but I think Ben would be pissed if he knew we considering dating so soon after their breakup. I’ve only known Ben for a few years, so we’re not best buds, but I’ve known him a lot longer than Prince. I’d like to remain friends with Ben, but I don’t want to miss out on the chance to date Prince and I doubt he’ll be single long. Any advice?
—Time’s a Wastin’
Dear Short Time Friend,
You ask how long you should wait before asking out a friend’s ex. I’m inclined to provide the following answer: Until you die and come back as someone else. You make it clear you’re not particularly good friends with Ben, however, and that does change the scenario somewhat. And at this point, you’re young enough to eventually repair any reputational fall-out that will occur as a result of you dating a friend’s ex.
But know this: Ben will, in all likelihood, be pissed, and there will be reputational fall-out. Here comes the Truth, baby: It’s up to you if it’s worth the risk. Frankly I think its poor form in general, and again if it were a close friend in question, Prince (really?) would be a hot potato you wouldn’t want to touch. But you’re in a greyer area here. Tread carefully.
