Does the character of our leaders impact the quality, even the very existence, of our lives?
Ryan Skipper might be alive today if his civic leaders had denounced anti-gay bigotry through word and deed instead of cultivating fertile ground for hatred to grow. If elected and community leaders in and around Polk County had championed inclusive public policies to reflect the inherent value and worth of all the citizens, maybe Ryan Skipper would not have been targeted and killed just for being gay.
Many in this community know the story of Ryan Skipper, the effervescent young man from Winter Haven who was brutally murdered in 2007. My wife, Vicki Nantz, and I made a documentary about Ryan's storyâ┚¬â€Âdoubly tragic because Ryan was harassed and attacked throughout his life before the horrific events of his murder, and was even persecuted after his death.
Our documentary, Accessory to Murder: Our Culture's Complicity in the Death of Ryan Skipper, focused on the pervasive societal influences that created an environment where two young men hated Ryan Skipper so muchâ┚¬â€Âjust because he was gayâ┚¬â€Âthat they butchered him and dumped his body on a dark road, torched and abandoned his car at â┚¬Å”Lake Pansy,â┚¬Â and bragged to their friends about having done the world a favor by â┚¬Å”getting rid of a faggot.â┚¬ÂÂ
Every institution in Ryan's world failed himâ┚¬â€Âschools, churches, government, media, and law enforcement. No civic leader told Ryan Skipper's would-be killers that gay people are worthy of respect and dignity. In fact, through their words and deeds, those leaders reinforced the opposite: that gay people are â┚¬Å”less than,â┚¬Â and can therefore be demeaned, mocked and even denied humanity. Imagine if the public message in Polk County had been different.
In Orlando, the message is different. Orlando Mayor Buddy Dyer has long been an ally of the LGBT community, and recently exhibited extraordinary leadership when he championed the Orlando Domestic Partnership Registry, providing several critical rights and benefits to domestic partner families. The positive results of that act have been immediate, important, and long-reaching.
Not only did Dyer immediately agree to support the DPR when it was proposed to him and take all necessary steps to give it priority and get it done ASAP, he said and did all the right things along the way. He assigned his highest level staff; he gave full access to community leaders to participate in the process; he made clear that it was his goal to create the best and most comprehensive DPR in the state of Florida. He publicly recognized our families on the same level as his own; he said loudly and clearly â┚¬Å”this is the right thing to do.â┚¬Â He did everything in his power to persuade our reluctant Orange County Mayor, Teresa Jacobs, to join him in doing the right thing for the Orlando/Orange County community, and when she declined he made sure the Orlando DPR would be open to all citizens regardless of where they live.
Buddy proudly wore his best red tie (in unity with the red-clad LGBT community) to the two public hearings on the DPR and he engaged the speakers and the audience with compassion and kindness. On Jan. 12, the day that the Orlando DPR took effect, Buddy and his entire staff wore red and created a wonderful event for those of us that â┚¬Å”got registeredâ┚¬Â that first day.
The happy (and transformative) images of that day were broadcast across the nation, and since that day Orlando has registered more than 300 couples. The Orlando DPR is now being used as a model by other Central Florida communitiesâ┚¬â€Âlike Tampa, St. Petersburg and Volusia Countyâ┚¬â€Âand Orlando staff is working to help those governments implement DPRs for their citizens.
An important message has been sent along with the benefits resulting from passage of the Orlando DPR: Gay people are human beings whose lives and relationships must be valued and respected by society. That is a powerful message that changes hearts and minds, and literally saves lives.
By contrast, a failure of leadership on this issue has negative and potentially deadly, consequences. Leaders who delay, waver, obfuscate, denigrate, and look for excuses to deny send a dangerous message. Their words and actions suggest that gay people are not worthy of respect, that their relationships are not legitimateâ┚¬â€Âthat they are â┚¬Å”less thanâ┚¬Â all others. That message only feeds hatred and promotes violence.
At the first Orlando public hearing on the DPR, a young man, coincidentally named Ryan, stepped to the podium and told the audience about the harassment and abuse he had suffered in his life because he was gay, and he said that he had come to City Hall because equality was important to him. Then his voice faltered, and he paused. After a long silence, an obviously moved Mayor Dyer thanked him for his testimony and assured Ryan that he was welcome in that chamber and in this City. This Ryan left Orlando City Hall that day feeling embraced by his community, with the knowledge that his government was proudly going to pass an ordinance to protect gay families. If only Ryan Skipper, and so many others like him, had received that message and felt that embrace.
We are grateful to a Leader like Buddy Dyer for speaking out with a society-changing message of acceptance and equality for all. That is the message we must hear from all of our leaders. We are listeningâ┚¬Â¦Ã¢â”šÂ¬Ã‚¦
