(DWTS logo from wdtvpress.com)
Each week, Watermark writer Kirk Hartlage provides a recap of the latest episode of “Dancing With The Stars.” If you missed last week’s recap, go here.
Since last week’s debut failed to inform viewers how COVID-19 will affect this season of “Dancing With The Stars,” I’ve found myself reflecting since then and have come to a few conclusions.
Thanks to the COVID, we’re probably not going to see any group numbers as seen in years past. More likely are individualized dances presented as if they were indeed a large production. Last week each pro dancer performed the same routine in the middle of a camera track circle, their movements quickly edited as if the dance was all done by one solitary performer. Kind of like the last minute or so of Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” music video, one performer morphing into another – each a different race, nationality, gender and pay scale – but with the added nausea-inducing element of an E! Network Red Carpet Show 360-degree spin cam. They’re clearly not using those cameras this awards season, so they might as well repurpose their use somehow.
Oh – and just who has a cameo in that King of Pop video? New host, Tyra Banks herself.
Anyways, expect a lot more of that this season, as well as full on Zoom window productions, each dancer safely performing in their own tightly controlled TV window box.
But be honest: don’t you want to see at least ONE group number, even if all the dancers are wearing masks and plastic safety shields? It could be a costumed tribute to our frontline medical workers… or a queue line of everyday folks waiting to cash out at Costco. Either way, no doubt it would be fabulous.
Unfortunately, the jury’s still out on just how much “fabulousness” Tyra brings to the ballroom. At least she didn’t pull a massive miscue by connecting tonight’s first night of viewer voting on “DWTS” with National Voter Registration Day, despite the obvious temptation.
Two weeks in, Tyra still seems to be compelled to make the show all about her, whenever possible. Here’s a few examples from tonight:
• Not yet an hour in, Tyra has changed dresses and makes sure we know it by announcing, “As you can see, some things have changed around here.” Yes, dear, we figured that out last week when Tom Bergeron was nowhere to be found.
• Nev Schulman is questioned by Tyra about getting “catfish” entered into the dictionary, because she’s been unsuccessful doing the same with “smize.”
• In pointing out that Skai Jackson has been modelling since she was nine months old, Tyra doesn’t miss the opportunity to inform us that she’s been modelling since the age of 15.
• In complimenting NBA legend Charles Oakley physique, Tyra says he’s still got a six-pack, while predicting she’ll have a 40-ouncer when she retires.
• While telling Jeannie Mai that she loves the dancer’s momma, Tyra makes sure to give a shout out to her own mother and son who are watching at home.
All of this Tyra-time comes at the expense of judges’ comments. If you’re looking for a fun drinking game, try taking a shot every time Tyra reminds Carrie Ann Inaba, Derek Hough and Bruno Tonioli to “quickly” give their reviews. (Two shots when she tells them to hurry up and get their scores entered!) Tyra’s Tyra-ing was deemed so necessary that, for one competitor, Derek was forced to reduce his critique to a single word.
And while it may seem mean to focus so much criticism on Tyra, it’s important to note she’s not just the host but also an executive producer, which means she’s among the decision-makers affecting change to “DWTS.” Still, believe it or not, we’re rooting for her, we’re all rooting for her.
Let’s get to the dancing!
• Kicking off tonight’s competition is “Catfish” host Nev Schulman and Jenna Johnson, who, ironically enough, is as furry as a bear. He receives accolades for his dancing while receiving grooming tips from Bruno. The judge encourages Nev to manscape, likely because it will produce less drag during those all-important spins.
• Carrie might be throwing down a weekly ‘do-off with Tyra, as tonight’s edition is as blond and as long as we’ve ever seen it.
• In a never-before-seen move, Disney Channel starlet Skai Jackson stumbles during her samba with Alan Bersten, and grabs his hair (head, not chest) to keep from falling.
• Johnny Weir tangos to “Poker Face” by his idol Lady Gaga, whom he’s met, thank you very much. His dance is week-two worthy, but what really stands out is his unique hair and head ornamentation. The former Olympic skater appears to be giving Carole Baskin a run for her money when it comes to creative headpieces.
• Tonight’s “Wow, we wish Len were here” moment comes courtesy of “Cheer” coach Monica Aldama’s Jive with Val Chmerkovskiy. In their obligatory pre-performance practice video, Val teaches Monica technique by having her imagine she’s flicking off toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shoe. The coaching seemed to be for naught as their live performance contained none of that. Had the show’s lead judge been here, he’d certainly have called them out for their Jive-less Jive. Bruno made mention of it in his allotted five seconds of critique, but we know Len would have Let. Them. Have. It.
• Backstreet Boy AJ McLean and Cheryl Burke’s hair extensions perform a strong foxtrot; the pro dancer’s hair repeatedly strikes AJ’s face and shaved dome. AJ was announced as a member of the best-selling boy band of all time; a stat that, depending on where you obtain your numbers from, could be made for The Beatles, The Jackson 5 or even K-Pop sensations BTS.
• Anne Heche performs a proper content-filled fox trot with Keo Motsepe, receiving compliments from Bruno for “not messing around.” Are you listening, Monica and Val?
• Nelly and Daniella Karagach appear to do the same dance from week one, and during his critique, claims that his St. Louis hometown, has no ballrooms. (He referenced that again during a post-show interview with US Weekly: an article that makes the performer appear disenfranchised and entitled all at the same time.) Perhaps Nel is overdue for a visit home, as a quick Google search found at least three St. Louis ballrooms, some of which have been open since the last Roaring 20’s.
• What’s a “DWTS” star to do when it’s not their turn in the spotlight? Why, text and be on social media on their phones, of course! At least four celebs were caught disengaged from the show doing just that during pre-commercial cutaways.
• Initially attributed to “Tire King” by Tyra, Carole Baskin performs a Viennese Waltz with partner Pasha Pashkov. The song is “What’s New Pussycat?” and not “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as predicted here last week. (She sticks around long enough, you know that’s gonna happen; just like next week’s Disney Week dance is bound to be a selection from “The Lion King.”) The set is one of the most lavish ever seen on “DWTS,” likely inspired by the “no pattern left behind” decorating scheme used by the team from HBO’s “Succession” as seen on this weekend’s Emmy’s.
• If you thought a glitzy football-themed Paso doble to Rihanna’s “We Found Love” couldn’t work, you’d be right. Vernon Davis and Peta Murgatroyd still give it their best, which will be good enough to stick around another week.
• Teased throughout the night as “will she or won’t she,” Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe does indeed perform despite an ankle injury. Her fox trot with pro Artem Chigvintsev is quite beautiful and graceful, despite one small bobble thanks to that ankle.
Judges’ scores from this week and last are combined, in addition to tonight’s viewer’s votes – each accounting for half – and the bottom two dancers are presented to the judges for the evening’s final reckoning.
In a 2-1 vote, Carole Baskin is saved from elimination and NBA legend Charles Oakley and his silver hair, beard, and jacket – all of which are on point – are sent home.
We’re back to Monday next week for Disney Week, but I wouldn’t expect pre-taped visits to Disneyland as in seasons past. Tune in at 8 pm EST on ABC or check back here the following to see what you missed!
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