I had open heart surgery in late June. My journey has included some dark times, and it can be hard to keep going when you feel like you’re fighting a losing battle, but I’m not a quitter – and neither are you.
Leading up to the procedure, my focus has been on my freedom and fulfillment. It is an ongoing journey of making the commitment to be unapologetically me with three key elements: accountability, transparency and integrity.
One of the things I’ve learned is that not everyone needs or deserves access to everything about me. In fact, some people don’t need or deserve any access to me at all. I’m learning to be more selective with who I allow into my life and what parts of myself I share with them.
I’m also learning that it’s okay to change my mind about who I give access to and what parts of myself I’m willing to share. Just because I’ve shared something with someone in the past doesn’t mean I’m obligated to continue doing so.
It’s been a liberating experience to start setting boundaries with the people in my life. When we’re more intentional about who and what we allow into our lives, we create space for more of what we really want.
This journey has required me to slow down, reflect and live life more intentionally. As I’m recovering from my procedure, I wanted to share seven insights I’ve gained about living life on my own terms. Maybe they can help you do the same.
1. It’s okay to say no! We often put so much pressure on ourselves to please others that we forget to take care of ourselves. When you set boundaries, it allows you to focus on your own needs and wellbeing.
2. It’s okay to put yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. To be there for others, you need to take care of yourself first. Each person is responsible for their own happiness and you cannot control or fix someone else’s life, no matter how much you want to. The best you can do is focus on yours to be the best version of yourself.
3. It’s okay to ask for help! We often feel like we must do everything on our own, but that’s just not realistic. Asking for help is a sign of strength that shows that you are willing to admit when you need assistance and that you are comfortable reaching out to others.
4. It’s okay to make mistakes! It’s part of being human and we all do it. What matters is how you learn from them and grow as a result. Mistakes are not a sign of weakness, they’re a sign of courage. It’s brave to put yourself out there and try new things.
5. It’s okay to change your mind! Your wants and needs will change as you grow and evolve. What mattered to you in the past may not be as important to you now. That’s perfectly normal! Allow yourself the flexibility to change your mind and make new choices.
6. It’s okay to have boundaries! It’s important to protect yourself from getting overwhelmed or being taken advantage of. When you set boundaries, you are telling others what you are and are not comfortable with. This helps to foster healthy relationships built on trust and respect.
7. It’s okay not to be okay! It’s healthy to feel a range of emotions. Suppressing them can lead to anxiety, depression and even physical illness. When you allow yourself to feel your emotions, it can help you to process them and move on. It’s okay to be yourself – you are the only you that there is, so embrace it!
There will always be people in our lives who want to control us or put us in a box. They may try to do this by making us feel guilty, manipulating our emotions or making us doubt ourselves. But we have the power to choose how we react to these people and situations.
We can choose to give them power over us, or we can choose to stand firm in our convictions and be true to ourselves. I have made the decision to be unapologetically me. When we live our lives on our own terms, we are free to be our authentic selves. We are free to pursue our dreams and goals. We are free to love and be loved.
I encourage you to ask yourself what you want out of life and what makes you feel free and fulfilled. Then go after it with everything you’ve got! Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back from living unapologetically on your own terms.
For me, that means being true to myself, even when it’s not popular or easy. It means setting boundaries and saying no when I need to. It means speaking my truth, even when it’s not convenient or comfortable. It means being kind to myself, even when I make mistakes. It means taking care of myself, even when I’m tired or overwhelmed.
In short, it means living my life intentionally and with purpose. This is my freedom and fulfillment and I invite you to choose to live your life on your own terms. Be true to yourself. Set boundaries. Speak your truth. Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I love you!
Bianca Goolsby, MBA is a digital strategist and activist who partners with mission-driven organizations to increase their impact through innovative and effective online communications. She also empowers and equips families to curate safe social spaces for themselves and their children.
