Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s been a running joke for a while now that I am grumpy. I pick up the occasional Grumpy T-shirt when I visit the happiest place on Earth, and I am usually donning my Grumpy mug during staff meeting Zoom calls.
Although right now, Sleepy is the chosen mug. I have a coffee mug for six of the “Snow White” characters so I can pick my mood, and honestly, does anyone ever feel Doc?
I never actually thought I was a particularly grumpy person, though. I use humor to get myself through almost any situation. Sometimes that humor seems sarcastic and the jokes don’t land. That’s when I usually steal a line from my favorite New York City piano bar piano man: “I’m here all night. They can’t all be gems.”
I like to think of myself as a Chandler Bing-type “Friends” character, but I can guarantee at least two people on staff will read this and say to themselves, “No, he’s definitely a Ross.” Maybe this is the problem, I am a Generation X latchkey kid who grew up on sitcoms of ‘80s and ‘90s TV. Life was a series of one-liners. “ALF,” “Night Court,” “Cheers” and “Roseanne,” did I even stand a chance?
It wasn’t just television; I was a bit of a movie nerd too. When I was in high school, I used to work at the Plaza Twin movie theater. It was a second run theater near the corner of Bumby and Colonial in Orlando. It’s a concert venue now, but in the early ‘90s it was my home.
I would sell tickets from the box office for a little while, then move to the concession stand until it was time to run upstairs and start the movie. I loved that job because I loved the movies. I used to cut off frames of movies I liked, usually just the cute guys like Keanu Reeves in “Point Break.” When “Beauty and the Beast” came through, I had memorized the timing of the musical numbers and would run into the theatre, stand in the back and sing along.
I was a sucker for a cheesy theme song. “Meet Me Halfway” from “Over the Top,” “Almost Paradise” from “Footloose.” My favorite though, James Ingram’s “Where Did My Heart Go?” from “City Slickers.” I was in that movie theater every time that sappy mess played, belting along in a mostly empty theater. Looking back now, I see that one of my favorite movies was about a man in a midlife crisis trying to find his smile.
Recently, I was having a conversation with a coworker in which I thought I was consoling them about a somewhat stressful moment when one of our systems was falling apart. It was a bit of a technical issue and deadlines were approaching. The closer the deadline, the more intense the conversations got. Mind you, I was not there for this so you can imagine my surprise in my failed attempt to lighten the experience I was told, “It’s okay, Rick. We know you get grumpy.”
I immediately went to another coworker, my confidant, and he said, “You know what. It’s not so much that you are grumpy. You’re like that guy in ‘City Slickers.’ You just need to herd cattle for a week.” Right there in that moment, my childhood and my adulthood collided.
Usually now I would make a bunch of jokes about getting older and make fun of the fact that some people think I am heading for a midlife crisis, but I won’t. Instead I’ll take the time to acknowledge that what I think I am putting out in the universe is not what is being received by those I see on a daily basis. I spent two weeks defending myself, pointing out why things make me react the way I do. It all got a bit toxic.
I found my way to a meeting of alcoholics last night, something I should do more often. It was a refreshing reminder that I am not a higher power and I do not control the universe or those who live in it. When I get busy and overwhelmed the world seems chaotic. Something as simply as reciting the Serenity Prayer helps me find my center. It reminds me to think about the person I want to be and do what that person would do. I can’t control the chaos, but I can control how I react. I thank my coworkers for helping me see that again.
In this issue of Watermark we talk about National Suicide Prevention Month, honoring the memory of those who have passed and offering resources to those who are struggling.
We strive to bring you a variety of stories, your stories. I hope you enjoy this latest issue.
