A Voice in the Chorus: Which box do I check?

Recently I was reading an article written by a longtime friend. Her piece struck a mental chord in me. She eloquently recounted her experience ofâ┚¬â€in her wordsâ┚¬â€Ã¢â”šÂ¬Ã…”being black and white, in a black or white world.â┚¬Â 

Her focus was on applications, new hire papers and such asking to check the appropriate box to acknowledge if you're African-American, Caucasian, Native American, Latin American or Other. The dilemma was in my friend not wanting to deny her heritage as a child of an interracial family. Although she is very aware and proud of her family and heritage, her dilemma was in the societal ignorance condensing her into a tiny box checked â┚¬Å”Other.â┚¬Â Her question was, â┚¬Å”Which box do I check?â┚¬Â

Not wanting to discount my friend's experience, I began to run the lines of comparison. Which box to check? They want to know if I'm married; divorced, separated, widowed, or single. Legally I'm single, but I want to be married, in fact, I long to be marriedâ┚¬â€Biblically and legally. I want to be married without having to make a run for another state in some sort of pilgrimage or LGBT matrimonial underground railroad. To be able to cross the border to another state and say, â┚¬Å”This is my husbandâ┚¬Â without some saying, â┚¬Å”He's not your husband here.â┚¬Â 

The laws of ignorance say that my love for my mate of 19 years is not valid. Backed by a misinterpretation of the Bible, they say that I cannot marry the man I love. My home shows little or no difference to that of my parents or others in opposite-sex relationships. Moreover, in most cases, it shows more distinctiveness, because our relationship is not 50/50. Our home is built on 100/100, because we refuse to bring only half of who we are to our relationship. Why is it that separation of church and state can be enforced in every other facet of government except here, when it concerns the marriage issue? If I check the â┚¬Å”singleâ┚¬Â box then I deny my partner and the 19 years we've been together, and the 1,900 years I hope to be with him. Why is my love summed up into a little box in which I cannot legally check the way my heart tells me to? 

It gives the feeling that I'm delusional, that society may have a valid point somehow. Then I'm shaken back to the reality that my love is genuine, it's just as real as those loves proclaimed through every media vehicle.

I've heard the arguments against same-sex marriage; I was raised on those arguments, and at one time I agreed with them. But they pale in comparison to the simple yet profound truth that gives me the desire to publicly announce in a legalized ceremony. My love has endured pain, prejudice, hate, ignorance, disbelief, and Jerry Fawwell. It has stood in the face of friends and family and said, â┚¬Å”If I cannot have your acceptance, it's not healthy to have you in my life.â┚¬Â It has inspired me to say, â┚¬Å”Arguments or not, you didn't give this love to me and you can't take it away.â┚¬Â

So which box do I check? The apostle Paul said, â┚¬Å”I'm in this world but I'm not of it.â┚¬Â I realize he was referring to Christianity, but I choose to apply that to my life, introduce my husband, and pray for the day that I can legally check the â┚¬Å”marriedâ┚¬Â box. And with that, I'll demand their acceptance and remind them of the laws that once prohibited me from checking the â┚¬Å”marriedâ┚¬Â box and then tell them to get over it.