A Gallup Poll released Feb. 22 shows that 7.2% of U.S. adults now identify as members of the LGBTQ community. An overwhelming amount of those adults, when asked about their sexual orientation, identify themselves as bisexual, 58.2% to be exact.
That is compared to 20.2% who identify as gay and 13.4% who identify as lesbian, with the percentage of other identities — such as pansexual, asexual and queer — ranging in the low single digits. The number of those who say they are bisexual are even higher among younger generations with two-thirds of Generation Z’s LGBTQ community identifying as such.
With a majority of members of the LGBTQ community identifying as bisexual, which refers to a person who is attracted romantically and/or sexually to people of their own gender as well as people of another gender, some have wondered why such little attention is paid to them in activism, advocacy and support when it comes to the LGBTQ community as a whole.
Bisexuality has long been stigmatized and misunderstood, with many in the heteronormative world assuming that individuals who identify as bisexual are confused, indecisive or simply “going through a phase.” But that biphobia isn’t just within the straight community. Bisexuality can sometimes be ignored or dismissed in the LGBTQ community too. This can be due to various factors such as stereotypes, misunderstanding of bisexuality and a history of invisibility of bisexual people within the larger LGBTQ movement.
As many bisexual people experience discrimination and marginalization from both the heterosexual and LGBTQ communities, it can lead to feelings of isolation and impact their mental health. “Bisexual erasure,” a phenomenon in which the experiences, struggles and identities of bisexual individuals are marginalized or ignored altogether, can have an impact on all levels of health.
Speaking with Health.com last November, Dr. Lauren B. Beach, a faculty member at Northwestern University’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Minority Health and Wellbeing, stated that some evidence suggests individuals experiencing bi erasure have higher rates of anxiety and depression compared to their straight, lesbian or gay counterparts.
Several studies also find that bisexuals are more likely to be smokers, be overweight and are less likely to have routine health screenings because of fear that they will have to defend their sexual identity to their health care providers.
We chatted with members of the bisexual community in Central Florida and Tampa Bay about their experiences to find out what their journeys within our local LGBTQ community have been like for them.
Jess Keller
29, Orlando-based filmmaker
“I think a lot of bisexual people probably have this experience, especially me being someone who presents and identifies as a woman, it’s just not really treated as news,” says Jess Keller.
Keller, an Orlando-based filmmaker, says when she told her mom, who she says she has a great relationship with, that she is bisexual she barely batted an eye.
“There’s not much of a reaction from most people,” she says. “I think it’s sometimes perceived as being the soft gay or diet gay. Like ‘OK, you like women? But you also like men, right?’ So it’s not necessarily as shocking, which I don’t really think is fair because it is a coming out, it is a queer identity.”
Keller says that identifying as bisexual for her means referring to a person who is sexually attracted to and/or romantically involved with people of more than one gender. This means that a bisexual individual can be attracted to people of the same gender as well as those of one or several different genders.
“I don’t want to speak for the entire community’s definition on this because I know it varies to some degree, but my understanding has always been that the term bisexual was intended to be all-inclusive,” Keller says. “It doesn’t have to be attraction to just two genders in the gender binary, but I think because of the ‘bi’ in that word, there’s sometimes a little bit of a misunderstanding that when you say ‘I’m bisexual,’ you’re saying ‘I’m attracted to two genders.’ It’s really two or more.”
Keller, who came out as bisexual when she was in her mid-20’s, says when she was in high school she knew very few people who were out and didn’t have any resources or tools that helped her to learn about being bisexual.
“There was a lot of heteronormativity growing up that I think influenced my first couple years, but by the time I came out, part of the reason that I was coming out was because I was already surrounded by friends who were validating of that experience,” she says.
Keller says that while she has friends and family who are validating of her identity, she still found some difficulty when she was on the dating scene.
“I think that the B is difficult because I do think that it’s often seen, in the dating world, as sometimes a pretty unattractive trait — both to partners that are queer and partners that aren’t,” she says. “I think it’s seen as a phase or a pit stop in someone’s journey. I get frustrated when people question the legitimacy of a relationship that I have with a male partner because it can be painted as ‘Let’s check in with her 10 years from now and see if she’s still saying she’s bi.’”
Even people who approach Keller about her relationships with the best of intentions can end up being unintendedly biphobic.
“I had this guy once who said he felt sorry for me when he found out I was bi and with a male partner,” Keller says. “He assumed that I was pressured into the relationship and that I was trapped and scared to tell him that I really wanted to be with a woman.”
Keller, who is married to a heterosexual man, says it can be frustrating having to justify her queer identity while in a heteronormative relationship, but she realizes the privilege that comes with that kind of relationship in today’s world. That balancing act has caused her to try and find a space where she can express her queerness but also not take space for more marginalized individuals.
“Personally, I experience most of my queer identity over the internet with people that I talk to online or friends that live far away in spaces like that,” Keller says. “I’ve found that there’s a lot more room for acceptance. I think in real world situations it can be difficult to be taken seriously. One example, I had a guy remark to me once that ‘You know, you are whatever you’re committed to. So if you are committed to a relationship with a man, you’re straight now. That’s just it. You’re straight now, stop lying to yourself.’ It can be extremely disorienting when you know you’re queer but you almost feel like ‘OK, do I have to pretend like I’m not for other people to feel like I’m respecting them?’”
Experiences like those have led Keller to feel less a part of LGBTQ events such as Pride festivals and parades.
“I think it can be more challenging to be your authentic self because obviously when you’re looking for community and you’re looking for support, you want to respect the spaces that you’re in,” Keller says. “It can be easy sometimes to feel like you’re not legitimate enough, you’re not gay enough or experienced enough. When I start to think like that, then I believe that there might be a perception that I’m taking up a seat somebody ‘more legitimate’ could be taking up.”
When it comes to her identity, Keller wants everyone to know that just like every other letter in the queer alphabet, the bisexual community is not a one-size-fits-all experience.
“I believe that the bisexual community looks a lot different than most people assume it does,” she says. “There’s so many forms that it can take and I think we need to put away this stereotype of the experimenting, promiscuous, single individual who is being greedy.”
Mauricio Marena
27, Tampa Bay drag performer Apollo Infiniti
Mauricio Marena, who goes by the name of Apollo Infiniti when he is performing as a drag king, says being bisexual is new to him.
“Not in the sense of not knowing about it, but actually recognizing that I was bisexual,” he says.
Marena came out as transgender before realizing that he was bisexual as well.
“Growing up I never had any attraction to women, I only had attraction to men,” he says. “So for me, after I came out as trans, I started to see more of a willingness to let loose on my sexuality. It was as if something had unlocked from my brain that I didn’t even realize I had and I just started finding both genders to be attractive for different reasons.”
Coming out as bisexual wasn’t very groundbreaking, Marena says, at least for those who are a part of his inner circle.
“Everyone I am close to already knew I was trans so coming out as another part of the LGBTQ community wasn’t met with shock and surprise,” he laughs.
Something that was surprising, at least for Marena, was how he was able to see the bi erasure within the community pretty quickly.
“When it comes to going out and being in LGBTQ spaces, especially bigger Pride events, I know a lot of bisexual people who say ‘I don’t really think I should come because my partner that I’m with right now is of the opposite sex, and I feel like people will think that I’m just taking space as an ally, even though I’m part of the community,’” he says. “That’s something I hear consistently throughout my experience with other bisexual people. I think that there’s like a fear, in general, of not being valid enough in the community, and that suppresses the ability for people to share their stories with each other. To be able to just recognize that there’s so many more queer individuals that are in our community, they just feel ostracized.”
Marena says when it comes to sexuality, as well as gender, many people find it difficult to understand it beyond the binary, even some in the LGBTQ community.
“My experience of coming out as trans was in layers,” he says. “I first came out as genderqueer and while that falls under the umbrella of transgender, I definitely didn’t have a lot of people who recognized me as transgender. When I actually came out as a transgender man, in the binary realm, that’s when I started to notice a lot more people congratulating me on coming out. None of that really translated to my bisexual identity when I came out, but it seems that identifying ‘in the middle’ of the binary is complicated for some.”
Being a drag performer, Marena spends a lot of time in bars and clubs and says he has started to see a lot more acceptance for bisexuals in what he called “allied bars.”
“Bisexuals sometimes feel uncomfortable in spaces classified as ‘gay bars’ because they feel like they aren’t spaces designed for them,” he says. “I’m seeing a lot more LGBTQ events held in what were originally ‘straight areas’ where bisexual people can come in and start to mingle with other queer people where they may have been intimidated to do so in gay bars.”
Marena says he does still see a lack of representation for bisexuals at Pride events though, which leads some of them to not even come out to celebrate.
“I see a lot of bisexual people say they don’t feel like they’re supposed to be there, because they feel like they’re taking up space,” he says. “There’s a lot of discourse that happens online about how ‘straight people are guests in LGBTQ spaces and need to behave as such,’ and a lot of these bisexual people get treated the same way, almost as if their guests and not community members. That separation of the bisexual community happens a lot at Pride events.”
Marena thinks one way to help fix that perception is for Pride organizations to provide space for the bisexual community and then reach out to them.
“When I go to Pride, I see gay-straight alliances, the bear community, the leather community and so forth with booths, handing out education pamphlets,” he says. “Why don’t we see booths for bisexuals?”
That representation of bisexuals in traditionally gay spaces should be expanded to the mainstream too, Marena says.
“Probably the biggest mainstream platform is ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race,’” he says. “Recently, we’ve started to see trans queens represented, we even had the amazing Maddy Morphosis on, who is the first straight male drag queen. I would love to see more high-profile queens talking about being bisexual.”
Marena says it’s tiresome hearing the many stereotypes people have about bisexuals, particularly being seen as the “most deviant” of all the sexualities.
“I am married to a woman so I don’t experience those stereotypes because unless I tell you I’m bisexual you wouldn’t know, but I have definitely heard them,” Marena says. “I think the stereotypes worsen for bisexual men because when it comes to the straight community a lot of people think that ‘being gay’ automatically means feminine and we live in a world where feminine is seen as less than compared to being masculine.”
Ultimately, Marena just wants everyone to know that just because someone tells you they are bisexual, that doesn’t mean they are looking to have sex with every person they come across.
“Bisexuality is not promiscuity,” he says. “And our relationships do not breakdown to just genitals. If you are able to respect a gay relationship and a lesbian relationship, then you can respect a bisexual relationship. They are all about two people just falling in love with each other.”
John and Angelique Luna
49 & 47, Central Florida sex educators and podcasters
John and Angelique Luna are both sex educators in Central Florida who have been together for 13 years. They host a podcast and YouTube channel called “Sex Positive Me,” which is dedicated to educating people on sexual freedom and being more accepting of your authentic self. They also both identify as bisexual, are members of the swingers community and have an open marriage.
“We met at a swingers meet and greet,” Angelique Luna says.
“We were on Park Ave. in Winter Park and I said to her ‘There are two things I will never be if you want to be in a relationship with me: monogamous and straight,’” John Luna says. “I expected to go home alone after that but she threw me against the wall and kissed me. From there on out we have been together and it’s been wonderful. It is nice to be in a relationship where you are not judged for your attractions.”
Being with someone who also identifies as bisexual helps the Lunas when they come up against people who automatically question the legitimacy of their relationship when others find out.
“We hear ‘just pick a side,’” Angelique Luna says. “Other times they will tell John ‘Just divorce her and come out as gay’ and vice versa, and I’m like ‘No, we know who we are and what we want.”
Being a male-female bisexual couple, the Lunas have seen the myths and stereotypes from both sides of the gender spectrum.
“When I talk to women and they find out that I am bi, a lot of times they are like ‘OK, not interested,’” John Luna says. “I’m not someone who gets offended by that, if you’re not interested then you’re not interested, but I got to the point where I started to ask why and I get ‘you’re less masculine now’ and ‘you’re more likely to have STDs.’ None of that is actually true, but OK.”
Those bisexual myths are nothing new, as the Lunas pointed to an article they recently read that had been pushed in Cosmo back in the ‘80s that read “Bisexual men: the new danger for straight women.”
“I read through that and I was like ‘What fantasy land was this written in?’ It was written in a time when AIDS was worse than it is now, but still it was written like ‘don’t go into the woods, the wolf’s waiting for you,’” John Luna says.
For bisexual women, Angelique Luna says the biggest issue is how they are fetishized by men.
“The first thing a man will say when they hear I’m bisexual,” she says, “is ‘threesome?’ Like, I don’t automatically come with a girlfriend. Bisexual women aren’t a package deal.”
“When it comes to bisexual women, it is seen as being a bonus for people,” John Luna says. “They are thought to be a little more kinkier, a little more open. It’s not until the last few years that I have noticed, when we go to swingers parties that bisexual men are considered.”
John Luna recalled a time several years ago when the couple went to Naughty N’awlins, a swingers party in New Orleans.
“They had various rooms you could go into and one was a bisexual room, so I was like ‘Cool, let’s go in there,’” he says. “We started talking with a couple and they said ‘Oh, we thought this was bisexual women.’ That was always the assumption, that those spaces were for just bisexual women. It’s not until recently that I’ve noticed a change.”
When it comes to events within the LGBTQ community, John Luna says they always feel accepted but not represented.
“We go there and we have plenty of friends, everyone is hugging and no one is judging us,” he says. “But we don’t see a lot of representation in the parade.”
“We walked one year with the Bisexual Alliance,” Angelique Luna says. “That was a lot of fun seeing the kids who identify as bisexual seeing the bi flag and feeling seen. But it would have been great to see more communication and awareness about bisexuals there.”
A hopeful sign, John Luna points out, that is backed by the recent Gallup Poll, is that being bisexual is less of an issue with the younger generations.
“I see people in their 20’s and when they hear you’re bi, they aren’t bothered in the least,” he says. “When it comes to older people, people in my generation, it becomes ‘OK, what does this mean?’ At the end of the day, I don’t need it on a banner or in a parade, we just want acceptance and not the knee jerk reaction of ‘No, you’re lying to yourself.’”
When it comes to a message for the rest of the LGBTQ community, the Lunas want everyone to know that we are all on the same team.
“I have been in conversations where other members of the community try to trump me with their experiences,” John Luna says. “Why are we beating each other up? We need to be all on the same page and fight the bigger battle.”
“Also, we’re not confused and we’re not greedy,” Angelique Luna says. “And as far as the LGBTQ community, we are there with you to fight every battle together. We need to stop marginalizing each group within the community.”
